


Pranking & Glancing

by WhoopsieStupsi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, James ships them, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Not Canon Compliant, Peter Is Clueless, Pining, Remus is Confused, Sirius knows, so does Lily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23964610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoopsieStupsi/pseuds/WhoopsieStupsi
Summary: At the start of fifth year Remus senses that his friends are hiding something from him. On top of that Sirius is acting untypical and Remus feels lost and confused.This fic is so far planned to have approximately 10 chapters, but I´m not sure yet.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 34
Kudos: 88





	1. Insecurities & a magical loo

**Author's Note:**

> Mention and Experience of panic attacks, but also a pinch of humor.

One week into fifth year and Remus already knew his friends were up to something, which actually wasn´t something unusual as they had a reputation for being pranksters.

No, what bothered him was that this time he didn´t know what they were up to. But maybe it was just imagination after all. Though James, Sirius and Peter accepted him being a werewolf when they found out back in second year, he still somehow expected them to turn against him.

Angry at himself for allowing these thoughts to rise again he let out a growl.

“What´s up, Remus? I know potions ain´t your fave, but I haven´t ever seen you cut a valerian root with so much hatred.” Lily Evans looked at him with a daring grin, but he could still see the worry in her eyes.

He was grateful for having Lily´s friendship. In first year their friendship had felt obligatory as they were the two biggest nerds in their year and it seemed like the only logical option was to be study partners and later friends.

He sighed.

Lily had found about his condition at the end of first year, but has only been supportive since then. She also knew that potions was especially hard for him due to his strengthened werewolf senses and because of that all the different smells in the stifling classroom made him feel dizzy. This resulted in him blowing up his potions on a regular basis. Fortunately Lily was a natural in potions and full of caring which resulted in her having pity with him, so she convinced him to be her potion´s partner as a compensation to his condition. She was the only reason he didn´t completely screw up in potions.

“It´s nothing,” he replied.

“I don´t think your root would agree with you,” she said with a nod to his cutting board. The valerian root he was supposed to cut in even pieces looked like an abused mash.

“Ups, eh... I´m gonna go get a new one,” he told her quickly to escape further questions.

He made his way to the storage cupboard trying not to be noticed. However he was noticed on his way back.

_Of course._

“Uh, Loony Lupin did you screw up your potion already? Severus Snape sneered as he passed him on his way back to his workplace. He ignored him. He didn´t want another confrontation with Severus, but of course his fellow marauders who were nearby reacted to Severus´s comment.

“Shut up, Snivelus,“ Sirius said angrily.

“Ow, look who comes to save his damsel in distress,” Severus scoffed.

Remus blushed out of embarrassment. Sirius did too, probably out of anger. Still it was weird. Sirius Black doesn´t blush. Never. Not even when he really should, because he was caught while executing a prank. Remus stared at him. Some other students did too. Remus could see his black brows furrowing further. Some strands of his raven hair had loosened out of his bun, now framing his face.

_He looks effortlessly beautiful._

Noticing himself staring he twitched.

“I´m gonna-,” Sirius threatened, but Remus interrupted him. “He´s not worth it, Sirius.” He didn't want to have detention because of this shower-hating Snape rat, again.

Piercing grey eyes met his amber ones and Remus felt himself blush involuntarily again under his intensive look.

_Bloody hell, what´s wrong with me?_

He cursed himself again for blushing so quickly. He did that often, especially when Sirius´striking grey eyes met his. Sirius eyes were so intense, it sometimes intimidated Remus. It was a serious problem (Pun fully intended).

“But he-,” Sirius started.

“Just leave him alone,” Remus interrupted him again quietly and then he said louder: “I guess he´s just sad that he will never be able to save his own damsel in distress.”

He was referencing to Severus´s unhealthy friendship with Lily Evans, which she had ended after he´d called her a mudblood. But obviously he was still obsessed with her. It was disgusting.

And looking Severus directly into the eyes with a grin he added: “Or, more likely, to be it.”

He didn't saw his reaction because he turned around to walk back to his table where Lily was just shaking her had, but it must´ve been good because all the anger vanished from Sirius's face and was replaced with glee.

“Ay, sassy Remus snapped again,” James exclaimed behind Sirius and Peter was smirking.

Now Remus was shaking his head at his dumb friends that he loved so much. As he walked back to Lily he quickly glanced at Professor Slughorn, but he was just sighing at the boys. He probably remembered the boys rivalry with Severus Snape from the other years and was just too tired by now to intervene most times.

“Was that really necessary?” Lily asked.

“Sorry Lily," Remus apologized. "I just wanted to stop Sirius from doing something stupid again, though I can´t say I did not like it, to be honest with you,” he admitted. Severus really was a creep.

“I…yeah...I understand. It´s just...”

“I know,” Remus said trying to give her a reassuring smile. The loss of Severus´s and Lily´s friendship was still new.

“So you wanna tell me why you looked so grumpy earlier?”, she asked, changing the topic not so subtly.

Remus groaned.”It´s… I don´t know!”

“Well it´s not your time of the month, so we can exclude that.” Lily suggested with a smirk.

Remus rolled his eyes. “I...It´s...I just...I feel like they are hiding something from me. I...I know that sounds stupid and I´m probably just some paranoid bastard and...arrgh...you know,” he stuttered helplessly.

Lily studied his face with a raised eyebrow. “Oh so the genius at hiding pranksters are hiding something?” Then her face softened. “Don´t worry, Remus. They are probably just planning a prank or some other childish crap like that.”

“That´s what scares me. They are great with coming up with ideas and executing them, but I plan the big ones,” Remus muttered. “Why are they excluding me?”

“Does that mean you were the mastermind behind the prank last year where the great hall was fluted with water from the lake? Because it was a real effort to get all of the algae out of

everybody´s hair,” Lily asked with a wary look in her face.

“Well, I wouldn´t go so far and say mastermind, you know that wasn´t even my idea. I just did the research and told them what to do and did -,” Remus replied hastily, trying to talk himself out of it and probably failing miserably.

“Oh, I´m just kidding, you big idiot!” she laughed.

And with that she just finished her potion of the draught of piece, which by now emitted a silvery vapour as it was supposed to whereas Remus´s was emitting angry green sparks. He sighed. He really was a lost cause in potions.

“Well, well,” Professor Slughorn said as he looked around the classroom.

“Looks like only Mrs. Evans and Mr. Snape were able to brew the potion of the draught of piece. It is indeed a difficult potion to make. I suggest you all follow the instructions more carefully the next time,” Slughorn said while looking at Remus´s miserably failed attempt to make the potion.

_Hey, at least it didn´t explode this time,_ He thought a bit offended.

“Please write an essay about everlasting elixirs until the next lesson,” he added and with that the lesson ended.

He put his potions book back into his bag and readied to leave the stifling classroom when Lily grabbed his arm.

“Hey if you want to talk about...,” she said with a nod to his dorm mates. Remus shook his head and headed out. He wasn´t really in the mood of talking after being locked up in stifling classroom that overwhelmed his nose with all the smells of different ingredients and the vapour.

The other Marauders already waited outside. Sirius was complaining about the essay they had to write and Peter and James nodded in agreement.

“Oh come on, don´t be such a crybaby, Sirius,”Remus said, rolling his eyes.

Sirius could be really good in school if he only put the effort he put into pranking others into studying for once.

“What? Me? Never.” Sirius said, acting appalled.

“Yeah? Well whatever. I gotta go. Arithmancy. Bye,” Remus said and rushed off, not wanting to be late for one of his favourite subjects. He was the only Marauder who'd took the subject, he liked it because it was logical and everything made sense whereas until now nobody had been able to explain to him why a potion was so bothered if you stirred clockwise instead of anti-clockwise and vice versa.

“See you later, Moony!” Sirius yelled after him before Remus turned into the next hallway.

\--------------

When Remus entered the dorm after his Arithmancy lesson, he found the other marauders all sitting in James´s bed and whispering. The moment he had opened the door they all flinched and tensed up.

A strange feeling rose in Remus as he saw how caught they looked by his entrance. He tensed, feeling not welcome.

Still he urged himself to a smile.

“Hey what are you guys doing?” he asked trying to sound and look as nonchalant as possible.

Peter fidgeted and looked from Sirius to James, waiting for them to answer the question. Sirius bit his lip, what looked like he was trying to keep himself from saying something and James frowned.

“Just planning a prank,” James answered finally.

_A prank, okay, just like Lily said_ Remus thought, relaxing a bit.

“What are you planning?” Remus investigated further.

Silence.

_Oh no. It´s not even that silent in the dorm at night thanks to Peter´s snoring._

It was Sirius who broke the silence. “We´re thinking of a way to get back at Snivelus.”

_Lie._

Sirius was a pretty good liar just like Remus. He had learned to be because of his family, Remus because of his condition. Everybody else would've been tempted to believe Sirius. But not Remus. He noticed how Sirius´s jaw clenched. He did this when he lied to others.

The strange feeling grew this time mixed with loneliness and also jealously. And he felt his chest tighten. He knew he must've looked hurt because Sirius now looked guilty.

_Okay,_ Remus thought. He had knew that it was only a matter of time until his time with the Marauders was up, but he still wasn't prepared.

“I… library," he managed to say before he turned away from the doorstep.

_Maybe I'm just overreacting_ he thought. _That was maybe nothing. Maybe the silence meant nothing or he just had imagined it. Maybe he didn't know Sirius as well as he thought he did._ _Maybe it's all just in my had._ But those damn maybes were enough for his anxiety to take over.

His chest tightened further if that was even physically possible and his lungs weren't fulfilling their biological function correctly anymore. He felt his breath quicken.

_Hyperventilating that's what it's called, dumbass_ he thought to himself. _Bloody hell I really don't want another panic attack._

Unfortunately panic attacks were something that had happened to Remus before and he wasn't exactly eager to experience one again. He had them before he went to Hogwarts. He had them a lot in first year out of fear of hurting someone or being discovered. He didn't had them often in second year and the following years. He had felt saver with his friends knowing and accepting him.

Occasionally a nightmare of Greyback or the slashed bodies of his friends, his family or even people like Severus Snape hunted him and sometimes this nightmare turned into a panic attack after waking up.

Then Sirius was there. He knew nightmares. And Remus was there for him when he had one because of his family. They were the same in that way. They suffered together. Sharing the pain.

But this time was different. He didn't had a panic attack because of feeling like a monster, though he did that too right now. He always felt a bit disgusted by himself. No, he had a panic attack because he felt lonely. He hadn't felt that way since he came to Hogwarts.

Somehow Remus had made it to some bathroom and sat down leaning against a wall while making himself as small as possible. He didn't know how he got there. He felt dizzy.

He cupped his face with his hands in a way that his mouth and nose were covered. He had to stop hyperventilating.

After some time which felt like an eternity he eventually calmed down. His cheeks were wet and he could taste the salt from his tears on his lips.

_Dammit._

He stayed where he was for a while.

He felt drained, a weird void was inside him.

_I can't stay here forever, though. Stay up._ He urged himself after a few minutes. He walked to the sink as if he was in trance. The cold water helped his brain to finally work again.

But with that his trance ended too and his insecurities came back. But of course the void in his chest just wouldn't go away.

_Great._ He looked around, realizing he just had a bloody panic attack in a bathroom practically anybody could've walked in. But weirdly he didn't recognized the bathroom.

_Wait is this a girls' loo?_ He asked himself. _Wait, no, girls go the loo more often. Because of their bladders. Biology._ If he was in a girls' loo he for sure wouldn't be alone.

But he didn't know this loo, so of course the first logical thing for him was to think that he'd stumbled into one. He looked around again, but, no, it looked like a normal loo, but still different to the ones he knew Hogwarts had.

The striking thing was that there were no toilets. Just some sinks in a row on one wall and on the opposite wall the door he walked through.

It was cold. And the room was making him feel claustrophobic though the room was pretty large for a loo. But the whole room, the floor, the walls and the ceiling, were covered in grey tiles.

_Definitely not a good interior design choice._

He sighed, shoving his thoughts about the terribly designed loo aside.

Remus wished he could just jump into his bed and eat something without having to go all the way back to the Gryffindor tower and to the great hall or the kitchens for food. He didn't want to see his friends right now. Self-loathing yourself alone just sounds like more fun.

Something strange happened. Instead of stone tiles the ground suddenly was made out of wood. And a bed appeared with red curtains looking all comfortable. Next to the bed a small table with chocolate appeared.

_I probably hyperventilated for a bit too long._ Remus thought. _Lack of oxygen or something. Yeah. That sounds logical. At least it's a better explanation than wishing for a bed and it magically appearing._

_But wait. I'm wizard. I do magic._

_But I for sure didn't just changed an entire room, right?_ Remus felt like crying again.

_What the fucking hell? Why does this weird stuff always happens to me._ He thought while massaging his temples. He would for get a headache later from all the crying.

If he would've been thinking rational Remus maybe would've just opened the door. But he just had a panic attack, he felt drained and tired and he could already feel the headache coming in.

He ate some chocolate hoping that it was even eatable because, well, he couldn't be sure the food came from Hogwart's kitchens. But he didn't really care at the moment.

He also didn't care where his friends thought he was. Well he did.

On the one hand he didn't want them to worry about him, whereas there the question was if they even would.

On the other hand he wanted to come back at them for their damn secrecy.

_Bloody bastards._

Eventually he was too tired to move, too tired to walk the whole way back, too tired to tell them where he´s been (though he didn't actually know where he was), so he fell asleep in this mysterious room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so I hope you guys even understood what I wrote. If not I'm sorry, I try to improve myself and am open for constructive criticism.
> 
> Have a nice day!


	2. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus overslept and is confused. Sirius is worried.
> 
> Sorry. Obviously I´m not the best with summaries.

Remus woke up in his bed feeling exhausted. He hadn't slept well this night, probably had cried in his sleep. Not wanting to stay up yet he just kept laying there for a little while longer, but eventually he stretched his limbs and turned to see if the others were up already.

The only problem was that the others weren't there.

Remus was confused but then the memories came back all at once. James, Sirius and Peter looking caught as he entered the room. The long silence between the sentences. Sirius lying to him. Sirius´s guilty look.

_Fuck._

Remus shook himself as if he was trying discard these memories. He sighed. It was no use. Today he would have to face them again.

_Did they notice I was missing?_ He asked himself as he stood up.

He looked down at himself. Wondering if he looked presentable enough to get back to the dorm without anybody asking questions.

_Wait maybe…_

He remembered the weird transformation of this room from a loo to a bedroom the previous evening.

Remus closed his eyes and wished for a mirror. Miraculously one appeared. Then also a sink with toothpaste and a toothbrush. The whole room was changing. The bed he slept in vanished and instead a whole bathroom appeared. But this time it looked different than it did yesterday. It didn't make him feel claustrophobic. This time it looked as comfortable as a magical bathroom can probably look like.

Remus was absolutely stunned.

_Did I just found a magic loo in Hogwarts? I have to tell this the others. Why didn't we find this room earlier?_

Excitement spread inside of Remus. He wanted to tell the others, but...how? Insecurity replaced his excitement.

_Hey guys, remember that weird conversation we had yesterday? Yeah, you know I had a panic attack afterwards because I can't react to my friends doing something without me like some normal human being. Well, I mean I'm not really human after all. I'm the monster children hear from in bedtime stories, so that isn't really a surprise, I guess. However I happened to find a magical loo. So yeah, that was fun._

Remus shook his head. Maybe he shouldn't tell them yet. Then he would at least have a place where he could be self-loathing in peace.

Not so excited anymore he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He looked into the mirror. His eyes were swollen and red.

_Well, that is unfortunate_ , he thought to himself. _Now the others_ _will see_ _how much of a crybaby I am._

He tried a cleaning spell on himself, but that only helped a little. He still looked like crap. His hair stuck out, his robes were crumpled and he looked like he had cried the whole night, which he probably had, but it still bothered him. There was no need for him to have the others find out. He wished he would've listened at least once when Marlene, Mary and Dorcas had talked about concealing spells for pimples in their faces or other similar cosmetic spells, maybe that would've helped.

The magic loo answered Remus´s prayers and a book about cosmetic spells appeared. The room really started to grow onto him. He found a spell to reduce the swelling of his eyes, but his eyes remained red.

_Well maybe they'll just think I smoked some weed._ He thought bitterly.

Noticing that this was the best he could do he braced himself to leave the magical loo.

He stepped out and found himself in a corridor in the seventh floor. He looked back to the door he just stepped out.

It was shrinking until it vanished completely.

Remus would've been weirded out by that, but Hogwarts was a weird place after all. In contrast to the other Marauders Remus had read “History of Hogwarts” and knew that the castle contained more surprises and secret passages that he and the other marauders would ever be able to disclose. He made a mental note to examine the magical loo later.

Due to the fact that Remus had discovered a magical vanishing loo, he just now realized the time.

_Fuck. Transfiguration had already started. Minnie's gonna kill me._

Remus sprinted to Transfiguration classroom. On his way he thought that he should probably get his books first, but that would take him several minutes and by then he would be way too late. Shortly the thought of just not going to Transfiguration at all crossed his mind, but he dropped that thought. Though McGonagall knew about his condition and was very understanding, he didn't want to challenge his luck, so he kept running. When he reached the door to the classroom he first waited a few seconds to catch his breath and then opened the door.

Everybody looked at him. Remus tried not to look at anybody, especially not at his friends. But he could feel their glances. He blushed. Again.

_Why am I always trying to become a bloody tomato?_

“Mr. Lupin, I'm sure you have an explanation for coming late?” McGonagall looked at him with an unreadable expression. Remus didn't look into her eyes.

“I...,” Remus started. _Fuck_ he hadn't thought of an excuse before entering because he had been so distracted by his discovery.

_You bloody dummy._

He swallowed. Now he was probably redder then Gryfindor's scarlet house banner.

_Maybe that'll distract them from my red eyes,_ he thought cynically.

So he lifted his head and looked McGonagall into the eyes. He could see her eyes fill with with worry as she saw his red eyes.

_Fuck._

Remus cleared his throat. “I overslept. I'm sorry for coming late and interrupting the lesson.”

_Well that's at least not a lie._

“Fine,” McGonagall answered, her voice was cold, but her eyes were filled with warmth. “As this is the first time you were late there will be no punishment. Now sit down, so we can continue.”

_Yay, at least I have Minnie's pity._

As he made his way to sit next to Sirius and Peter, he could feel their glances. Once more Remus was terribly aware of the way he must look like. He wore crumpled robes, had red eyes and his hair probably looked like he just jumped out of bed, well, that was actually true but still.

When he sat down Peter pulled on his sleeve. “Hey buddy, where were you?”

“Are you alright, Moony?" Sirius whispered at the same time. James looked at Remus with a worried look.

“Yeah I'm fine. Just forgot the time in the library and then fell asleep in the common room. But in the morning I remembered that I forgot my bag there, so I hurried to get it and that's how I must've missed you,” Remus lied. Remus prayed that they hadn't looked on the map to check on him. At the same time he felt in weird way relieved that his absence hadn't gone unnoticed.

_Maybe I did just overreact?_

“That's our typical Moony. Always living in the library.” Peter chuckled.

James still looked worried but returned to follow the lesson. And Sirius… Sirius looked at Remus with his intensive shining eyes again, but Remus didn't look at him. He couldn't. 

\---------------

Sirius knew something was off. He had checked the map every now and then after Remus had stormed off. He knew Remus wasn't in the library. He didn't knew where he was, because the map didn't show Remus, but it was definitely not the library. Though you could always count on the map Sirius still went there just to be sure. He'd met Lily, but not Remus. That meant that Remus had lied to him. Well, actually he'd lied to all the marauders, but it affected Sirius more because he was madly in love with his fellow marauder.

Sirius now remembered the hurt expression on Remus's face when he'd lied to him yesterday about what they were doing. Remus has always been good at detecting lies. It was quite annoying actually. But he, James and Peter knew that Remus wouldn't approve of what they were doing and so they´d agreed to not tell him yet. Remus didn't want to burden them or something, he'd often said. But Remus wasn't a burden, he was their friend (and a bit more for Sirius, but nobody knew that except him, so...). And their friend was suffering, so they wanted to help. They wanted to become animagi and yesterday they had put the mandrake leaves into their mouths.

He wondered who came up with the absurd spell because at least one person must've thought that it would be a fun idea to keep a mandrake leave in his or her mouth for a whole month just to see what would happen.

_Wizards a weird._

The mandrake leave felt weird too, especially talking and eating. They had to concentrate so they wouldn't accidentally swallow the leave.

After putting the leaves in their mouths they had excitingly discussed which animals they hoped to become and that were when Remus had entered the room.

Sirius had seen the insecurity in his face as he saw them whispering in one bed and how he´d tried to conceal it.

It had worried Sirius that Remus hadn't shown up in the evening and it still did. He hasn't been able to sleep well when he knew that the bed next to him was empty. He had been even more worried when Remus hadn't shown up to Transfiguration. Then, when Remus had stumbled late into the class, he was shocked of Remus's appearance. Not because his robes were crumpled and he obviously hadn't combed his hair (he actually thought that Remus looked quite cute). No, what had shocked him was that it was so Remus-unlike. Remus's clothes might be shabby and second hand, but Remus always made sure that they'd look tidily. He even folded his socks. It was adorable.

Then, the whole lesson Remus hadn't looked into his friends eyes and that made Sirius twitch. Now Sirius had made it his own mission to reassure Remus that everything was okay.

They wanted to tell him after they would take out the mandrake leave because then Remus was forced to let them finish otherwise the transformation would be incomplete and lots of weird stuff could happen to them.

After the lesson ended Sirius pulled Remus into an empty corridor before he could escape him.

“Sirius, what the hell?” Remus exclaimed surprise. Now Remus looked at Sirius for the first time this day, probably out of surprise and for the first time this day Sirius could see Remus's eyes. It broke Sirius's heart to see Remus's red eyes.

_Did he cry? Because of us? Because of me? Oh fuck no, please no._

It took Sirius a moment to long to concentrate again because he lost himself in Remus's beautiful amber eyes. Sirius blushed.

_Damn you, Remus and fucking wonderful warm eyes and your beautiful soft hair and those cheekbones and the scar on Remus's left cheek that stretched down to his neck, which gave him a certain badass look. Making him look irresistible._

He normally didn't blush, but Remus had a power over him that made him want to kiss Remus every time he saw him and due to that blush.

Remus blushed and at the same time his eyebrows furrowed. “Sirius?”

Sirius cleared his throat and looked down as he realized that he had been staring.

“I..uhm..”

_Shit. What had he wanted to talk about again?_

He looked into Remus's eyes again. They were red. He remembered.

“Moony, I know you lied earlier.” Remus flinched and avoided Sirius's glance.

“I searched for you on the map, even went to the library to be sure, but… Look you don't have to tell me where you've been. It's just… I'm worried about you.” At this Remus looked at Sirius again and his cheeks flushed a bit again.

Sirius absolutely loved it when Remus blushed. He didn't think there was anything cuter than a badass werewolf who blushed regularly. Remus was so adorable.

Sirius sighed. _Dammit, where's my concentration?_ _Stupid crush._

“I...I lied to you too. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I know you know that I lied, you're just to bloody smart to not notice. I can't tell you what we were talking about. At least not yet, okay? I promise you that it's nothing bad and...” At this point he had to reposition the mandrake leave in his mouth again.

Remus had lowered his glance. Now looking onto Sirius's lips.

Sirius felt himself flush again. Now he really wanted to kiss him. He didn't really realize anymore that they were in a public corridor.

Suddenly Remus winced. Now looking Sirius intensely in the eyes.

“I… I believe you, but I...I don't like. Not at all. I just… I thought you would not want me to...” His voice collapsed and he looked away again.

“Hey, Moons, no, we are your friends remember? The Marauders. We'll stick together. We're like a family, Moony. Besides we couldn't do most of our pranks without our genius mastermind.” Sirius had grabbed Remus's shoulders as he said this though he actually wanted to hug him, but he didn't want to scare Remus away.

It's not like they didn't hug. They did. Often after nightmares to reassure the other one. But that always happened in the dorm at night behind the curtains, not in public corridors.

Sirius offered Remus a small grin and Remus returned it.

“Thank you, Sirius. I'm sorry. I know I freaked out again,” Remus whispered.

Now Sirius didn't care anymore that they were in a public hallway, he just wanted to comfort Remus. Wanted to make sure Remus didn't feel like freak.

He hugged him tight. “It's alright Moony. You're not a freak. I know we acted weird, but I...we won't leave you.”

At first Remus was startled by the hug, but then he sank into it. Sirius could smell Remus. He smelled like books and parchment, like chocolate. He smelled wonderful.

“rhm,rhm.” Behind them James had appeared and was now watching the scene.

The two boys divided hastily, both blushing.

“I don't wanna ruin the moment, but if we don't want Remus to come late to another lesson we should probably go,” James suggested.

“Yeah, right,” Sirius said, while going through his hair sheepishly. James gave him a significant glance.

_What had he heard? Or saw? What did he know?_ , Sirius panicked.

Peter had already headed out to Herbology because he had a longer way to walk as the Herbology classroom was outside and the others went together to their Astronomy lesson.

“So... is everything alright?” James asked eventually.

“Yeah, sorry for the trouble,” Remus replied.

"Hey, no apologizing, remember?" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

Remus blushed. "Okay."

Then he added: “Oh, and by the way, I think you have something green between your tooth, Pads.”

James and Sirius met each others eyes and tried not to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked the chapter. Have a good day and stay healthy!


	3. A Naming & A Full moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I may present you:  
> \- Remus and Lily being nerds  
> \- the morning after a full moon  
> \- Lots of Wolfstar  
> \- Snape being a dick
> 
> Enjoy!

Remus was happy that the other Marauders had stopped lying to him, though they still weren't honest with him.

_Does that even make any sense?_

He hadn't been able to extract more information from either of them. Not even from Peter. He often wondered what the whole thing could be about but in the end it only made him feel anxious, so tried his best to just accept it. They had promised him that they would tell him eventually and he counted on that. It helped a bit.

The following days were weird. Sirius, Peter and James were unusually quiet. They talked as little as possible. But the weirdest thing was the way they ate. It was entertaining though.

Sometimes one of them would stop eating and try to gag a bit. Then the others would look at the one alarmed and be extremely relieved when the other one would give them thumbs up or nod. Remus would laugh about it and mock them once in a while.

It was now easier that they knew that he knew that they were up to something and that he knew that they couldn't tell him yet what it was, but soon they would, they reassured him every day. He still didn´t like one bit of their damn secrecy. He still felt left out, but at least he now knew that he wouldn't be oblivious forever and that's why he could laugh about it or, more likely, them.

Furthermore Remus had told Lily about the magical loo he had found the other day. Originally Remus hadn't wanted to tell anybody about it yet, but when he had returned to the seventh floor he hadn't been able to find the room again. Lily has been nothing but supportive of Remus as long as he could remember and she could keep a secret. In other words she was perfect for his mission to find the room again.

“So, what exactly are we looking for?” Lily asked one afternoon, when Remus took her to the seventh floor after he had explained to her what happened there.

“Well, I'm not exactly sure about that part. At first it was an incomplete loo, then a bedroom and then a loo again, though the last time it was complete.” Remus shrugged.

“Okay. So when you first entered the room it was making you feel claustrophobic and stuff, then it changed and became comfortable and then it transformed back into a loo again, but a good one this time,” Lily thought loudly. “Where exactly were the entrance?”

“Here,” Remus pointed to a wall opposite the tapestry depicting the attempt of Barnabas the Barmy to teach trolls ballet. “But it immediately vanished after I left the room.”

“Hmm, so why did it showed up in the first place?” Lily wondered while playing with with strand of her auburn hair.

“I don't no, maybe we should do some research in the library.” Remus sighed. “Sorry for putting you into this, Lily. I know I sound kinda crazy talking about a some room with magical powers,” he apologized.

“Ow, stop apologizing for everything you big dummy!” she elbowed him playfully.”This is Hogwarts after all. If you say here is a magical room, which came in your time of need I believe you.”

Remus flushed a bit. He´d told about how and why he´d find the room. Though he had tried to be as vague as possible Lily had hugged him a lot during his explanation, which had been a bit awkward at first, but he eventually was grateful for her hugs.

“Wait!” he froze as they had turned away to go to the library. “That's it. Gosh, Lily you're a genius!” Remus exclaimed and grabbed her shoulders with his hands.

“Wha-I mean I know I'm a genius, ehm, but why exactly again?” she asked puzzled.

“The room appeared when I had a panic attack-,” Remus started, getting an idea.

“- as a claustrophobic making, incomplete loo, probably because you were hyperventilating and after your panic attack it changed-” Lily went further, now also comprehension in her eyes.

“- when I wanted a bed and-”

“- in the morning you wanted a mirror-”

“- to see if I looked presentable and-”

“- one appeared the moment you wished for it!” Lily said enthusiastically with glowing eyes.

“The room always became what I required!” Remus exclaimed being all excited.

“Okay, Okay,” Lily said concentrating again. She furrowed her brows. “So we just need to strongly wish for something.”

“I require, eh, I require a loo.” Remus declared with closed eyes.

He opened his eyes. Nothing happened. He sighed and ruffled his hair. Lily paced around in front of the invisible entrance. She started to think that they maybe needed to go to the library, probably to the revealing and hiding spells section, to collect more information, when Remus let out a joyful yelp. “Yes! Lily. Look. Whatever you did it worked!”

An old wooden door had appeared which was similar to the one of the library.

They looked excited at each other for a moment and then stepped into the room.

\-----------

After two hours they stepped outside again. Inside had been a library with book covering knowledge about secret passages, hiding spells and other related stuff. They also had jumped to the conclusion that you have to pace in front of the wall in the seventh floor a few times while thinking specifically about what you wanted in order to make the room appear. They also had agreed to not tell anybody else yet and to use the room as a study room for their O.W.L. exams.

“So what are we gonna call this room?” Remus asked as they stepped out.

“Well, not something as dumb as magical loo as you called it during your explanation earlier,” Lily said while wiggleing her eyebrows.

Remus acted appalled and then snuffled. “And what do you propose then, oh Lily you wise one?”

“Pff, I dunno. Make-a-wish-room?” she snorted.

“Meh.”

“Study room?”

“No, we could use it for other stuff too, so it´s not really suiting.”

“Come and Go room?”

“That's better. But we should probably take something that makes clear what it is.”

“Hmm, so this room shows up as what you require, so, oh what about-”

“Room of Requirement!” they both shouted simultaneously.

“I guess, it's settled then.” Remus laughed and hugged Lily.

“Why are you hugging that filthy halfblood, Lily?” somebody next to them demanded to know. Lily and Remus parted surprised. It was Severus Snape. Lily recollected herself quickly.

“A: I don't give a bloody fuck about bloodtypes and you should know that by now, Sev, and B: It's not your fucking business who I'm hugging because we aren't friends anymore and it never was even back when we were.” Lily folded her arms and looked at Severus with an angry expression in her face. Remus watched Severus concentrated, ready to grab his wand if he would try to hex them.

Severus flushed a bit. “I just want to make sure you don't surround yourself with the wrong sort of people,” he said with a derisive nod at Remus. Remus clenched his fists, but didn´t want to interfere. He knew that Lily was quite capable of defending herself and would later be furious if he did a hasty action and got himself into trouble.

“Thanks, but I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself,” she said coldly. “Remus let's go.” With that she took Remus´s hand to pull him away from Severus.

Severus boiled with rage as he watched Lily and Remus turn into the next hallway hand in hand.

\-----------

Three weeks after Sirius's not-so-really-exposing-exposure Remus had to face another full moon.

Sirius hated it to see Remus suffering pre-moon and he hated to see him injured afterwards in the hospital wing. And he hated to think about the transformations Remus had to endure alone during the full moon. He just hated to know that the boy he cared so much for had to suffer, while he could only sit and watch.

This time the wolf must've been furious, because Remus had more new scars than usually. One of them was in his face. He was afraid of Remus's reaction.

Sirius couldn't do anything, but feel shattered. Not because of Remus's scars, but because of why he had them, that he did them all to himself. He hated it. He wished he could do anything about it but all he could do was to hope that the wolf wouldn't be too angry to hurt Remus seriously. He couldn't even be there for him during his suffering. And it was driving him mad. Yes, he could sit at Remus's hospital bed and feed chocolate to him, but that didn't really help to prevent Remus from hurting himself. So he had done some research to find a way he could help Remus.

He was glad that he had managed to persuade the others to become animagi as the wolf wouldn't hurt other animals, though they didn't need much persuasion.

Sirius breathed in.

_This will be the last full moon he'll be alone._

He looked away from the beautiful strong boy, who lay in a hospital bed, and looked out of a window. It was raining. He sat in a chair next to Remus, close to him.

He should be in History of magic right now, but he didn't care. He did not want Remus to be alone when he would wake up. 

However Madame Pomfrey had other plans.

“Mr. Black, shouldn't you be sitting in a classroom?” she asked as soon as she discovered him.

“Come on, Poppy, you don't really want me to leave our sleeping beauty here alone, do ya?” he asked her with a nod to Remus while trying to sound charming.

“I appreciate your worry about your friend.” She knew that they knew about Remus's condition and it was also clear that she was happy that Remus had supportive friends to help him deal with it.

“But I think Mr. Lupin would be far more pleased if you'd take some notes for him instead,” she suggested.

_She's right._

But Sirius had already taken precautions. He knew Remus.

“Oh, in fact I made James take notes for him,” he replied. That has been a difficult task because Professor Binns was the most boring teacher to have ever lived. Well, actually he was dead and it was his ghost who was teaching them about the different goblin revolutions and other stuff. He only had managed to persuade James because he promised him that he would make Remus put in a good word for James when he would talk to Lily the next time.

Madame Pomfrey shook her head with disapproval, but Sirius could see a small smile at her lips.

“Fine, then you can stay here. Keep an eye on him while I pick up some potions for him. And be there for him. The new scar...my poor boy.” her voice became lower with every word. She looked at Remus with a motherly look, then she straightened up and walked into her office to get the potions.

Sirius looked back to the boy who suffered so much, but was still so strong and kind and wonderful.

_This will be the last full moon he'll be alone._

Sirius wanted to take Remus's hand, wanted to make him feel less lonely. He didn't.

_This will be the last full moon he'll be alone._

He repeated the words like a mantra, hoping that the next full moon he could prevent the wolf from hurting himself.

_This will be the last full moon he'll be alone._

_\-----------_

When Remus woke up he was confused at first, he didn't know where he was. The light was shining brightly, so brightly that it hurt in his eyes, so he closed his eyes immediately again. Disorientated and with closed eyes he tried to sit up.

_Ouch._

He felt fucked up. There were no other words to describe it. His limbs were hurting and his head was pounding. He opened his eyes only for a bit this time and realized that he was in the hospital wing.

_The full moon. The shrieking shack. The transformation._

Fragments of the last night came back. The wolf was angry, no, not angry, frustrated. There were no humans he could bite and it made him furious.

Remus opened his eyes further, now he tried to figure out how much his body hurt. He moved his arms a bit.

_Ouch. Fuck._

“Moony, hey, shhh, easy there tiger,” a soft voice next to Remus said as Remus had tried to sit up again but instead had winced in pain. The person took his hand, drawing soft soothing circles at the back of his hand. It felt good. Right.

“Sirius,” Remus said quietly. His voice was rough and his throat felt like he'd howled the whole night, which he probably had.

“Shh, don't talk, Moony. Here. Poppy said you should drink this and this, oh and that.” Sirius had taken one vial from the bedside cabinet next to Remus and nodded with his head to the other twos still standing there.

Remus drank them all quickly and relaxed a bit.

_Painkillers. Yayyy._ He liked those. He felt his headache ease and he his muscles relax.

“Thanks,”Remus said with a now lesser rough voice than before while he put the empty vials back onto the bedside cabinet. That's when he saw the mirror and he froze.

_No._

The last time there lay a mirror, was when the wolf had scratched his face and as a result he had a scar stretching from his left cheek to his neck.

_Fuck. No. Please, not another one._

He didn't mind the scars on his limbs and chest, well, of course he would've preferred to not have them, but at least he could hide them. In turn that meant that he avoided changing in front of others and didn't went swimming in the great lake in summer like all the others did. Not that this was a problem, he couldn't swim. His parents hadn't bothered to teach him after he was bitten with five years. And he hadn't asked them to. But it at least would've been nice to have the choice to cool down in the shallow part of the lake in summer, but no, thanks to his scars he had a serious body-shaming problem and would never do that.

But that was acceptable. Not good, but he could still live with that.

The other students had asked him where he'd gotten his scars on his hands from. He would tell them from a car accident. He would tell them that his mom was a muggle and they were in a muggle hospital after the accident. His father had heard about the accident too late and because of that the healing charms had no use and he had scars. It was good excuse.

Than in the middle of first year the wolf had scratched his face and he couldn't hide that. Everybody had stared at him. After a while they had gotten used to it, but strangers still stared. First years kept themselves away from him. He had avoided mirrors as often as possible. It was horrible. A constant reminder.

If he now had another scar in his face. _No. Just no._

He didn't want to relive all that shit. The disgusted and scared looks.

_No._

“How bad?” Remus whimpered.

Sirius immediately understood. “I don't think it´s bad actually, it gives you a certain look, you know.”

Remus knew Sirius wanted to reassure him, but it barely helped.

He sighed and stretched for the mirror, not letting go of Sirius's hand. He needed some safety. An anchor.

When he looked into the mirror he just stared.

Over the bridge of his nose three new red scars had appeared. All of them were differently long.

Sirius had stopped drawing circles on the back of Remus's hand and now held it.

Remus squeezed Sirius's hand, trying to find some strength in it. Miraculously it worked a bit.

_Okay. Just another ugly scar that shows everybody else what monster you are._

He felt tears coming and closed his eyes. He didn't want to cry. He was tired of crying and turned his head away, hoping the other Marauder wouldn't see his tears.

“Hey, Moony it's not as bad as you think. I know it's all red now, but they'll be less noticeable with time just like the others.”

“Less noticeable?” Remus laughed bitterly. “Please look at me. I look like some bloody rag rug. I can't hide them. Everybody can see them. And I'm sick of the disgusted and scared faces. I'm… I'm sick of being a monster,” his voice collapsed.

“Remus,” Sirius said while cupping Remus's face and by that urging him to look into his eyes. There were tears in it. “You are not disgusting. Please don't think that way about you. Every one of these scars shows how fucking strong you are, they're beautiful. You're beautiful. You don't have to be ashamed of who you are or of these scars. There's no shame in being strong. I hate it that people look at you like that, but they don't know you. They don´t know how much you've suffered and how kind you´re despite all the shit you went through. Please don't…,” his voice collapsed. “Please don't ever think you´re a monster, Moony. Cause you're not.” Now some tears escaped Sirius's eyes.

“You...You're kind and generous, but at the same time manage to be sassy as hell. You get angry when others put a dog-ear in a book, which is adorable. You always double-check everything. When somebody asks for your help, you always do your best. You make sure that our pranks work out and nobody gets left behind. You always have at least one chocolate bar with you. You fold your socks, I mean who the fucking hell does that? A monster? No. But an adorable nerd would.” Sirius blushed, but didn't let go off him.

Remus was absolutely stunned. Here was Sirius fucking Black cupping his face, telling him he's beautiful and crying because of him. Even only one of these things happening was absolutely rare.

“Sirius...I… I don't know what to say. I… sorry-”

“Don't you dare apologize to me, Moony,” Sirius said wrought up.

“Sorry. Oh fuck.” Remus realized his mistake and laughed. It was a small and short and quiet laugh, but it made Sirius smile.

Sirius withdrew his hands and wiped his tears away.

“Look what you're doing to me,” he smiled at Remus. Remus suddenly felt lost without Sirius warmth so close to him, but before he could say something stupid like ´Hey, wanna hug?`, the other Marauders burst into the hospital wing.

“Moony, I can't believe how you're capable of taking notes at a teacher like Binns.” James acted exaggerated exhausted. His eyes widened for a moment when he saw the star, but he quickly caught himself. Peter wasn't that discreet and stared with his mouth open. “Despite this extremely difficult task I was able to get some good notes. Oh! And the best thing was I was able to talk to Lily because I wanted to compare our notes.” His eyes shined now brightly.

“You sure you did that due to this reason, buddy?” Remus said with a raised eyebrow. James blushed. Peter had been able to close his mouth again and Sirius grinned at Remus. Eventually James started to explain to Peter a certain quidditch manoeuvre. Remus groaned, but was secretly happy for it. They treated him normal.

They'd accepted his new look without making a fuss.

\-------------

While the Marauders had accepted Remus's new scar without making a fuss, others didn't. For example Severus Snape.

The Marauders met Severus and some other Slytherins in a hallway the next day after Madame Pomfrey had given Remus permission to attend his classes again.

“Oh, what only happened to you, Loony Lupin? Did you hate your face so much that you wanted to do some touch up? Well, let me tell you, it didn't work. Though the scar indeed does distract from the rest of this,” Severus taunted Remus and made a vague hand movement at Remus with a derisive look on his face. Remus determined that he always looked either derisive or angry at him.

“Shut it, Snivelus,” James hissed cautionary.

“You git. You want a scar yourself, huh? We can arrange that.” Sirius threatened while pulling his wand out.

“Hold your horses, Sirius. He's probably just pissed that nothing will ever distract from his giant hooknose,” Remus shot back.

Severus gnashed his teeth in anger.

“Yeah, this nose of yours is, eh, hideous. Just like, ahem, your personality,” Peter joined in, trying his best to defend his friends. Though that wasn't exactly a good retort Remus was still thankful for his unimposing friend's support.

Severus only grunted disdainfully at Peter and then turned back to Remus.

“I´m gonna destroy you, you disgusting halfblood. I'll expose you of all your secrets,” Severus threatened.

“Don't overdo yourself, my dear halfblood colleague,” Remus retorted.

Severus growled and backed off. The Slytherins glanced at the Marauders and eventually left.

Severus really was a weird bloke. He hated on others for being halfbloods though he was one himself. It made no sense to Remus because though he hated being a werewolf he didn't hated others who were one too, he pitied them, well except the ones like Greyback, who turned others on purpose making their life hell. Or take Sirius. Sirius was a Black and he didn't hate Sirius though his family was a bunch of douche bags. He never could hate Sirius.

_How could anybody? Sirius is a treasure._

Somewhere in the back of Remus's mind Remus was anxious about Severus's threat, but Sirius distracted him.

“Bloody bastard,” Sirius swore angrily and then said softly, “Come on, handsome. You don't wanna miss Charms, do ya?”

Remus blushed. Since their talk yesterday Sirius had started calling him handsome, beautiful, sweetie pie, moonbeam and other cheesy nicknames.

He tried to act correspondingly bugged or derisive, but he secretly loved it. His body always filled with warmth when Sirius called him one of those nicknames.

Of course he knew what Sirius was trying to achieve, but he liked it too much to tell him to stop and he doubted Sirius would if he asked him to.

_Is it normal to be so affected by a friend?_ he wondered as he entered the Charms classroom, now having completely forgotten about Severus threat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> Have a nice day and take care!


	4. To be honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter consists of four parts, in which each of those is from another Marauders' perspective. I hope you'll like it.
> 
> Enjoy!

The day after the Marauders’ encounter with Severus something weird happened at dinner.

It started normal.

The Marauders sat down in the great hall to have dinner while James and Sirius discussed the upcoming quidditch game against Hufflepuff.

“You shouldn’t underestimate them, Sirius. They’ve got loads of talented players this year. We’ll have too practice harder if we want to beat them,” James said with a determined expression.

“I don’t,” Sirius defended himself as they sat down.

Remus immediately started to shovel food into his mouth. Due to his werewolf condition he had a faster metabolism and as a result he ate twice as much as the others, but was still pretty scrawny for the amount of food he consumed.

“I just think training every second day is a bit too much to ask, okay?" Sirius asked with his hands up as if he wanted to show that he was unarmed. "Not everybodys' live is centered on quidditch, you know,” he continued, now teasing James.

_These idiots._

James acted appalled, well, probably he really was and was only trying to cover his horror through exaggerating. He truly was a quidditch dork.

“But…,” James prepared.

Remus rolled his eyes. At this point of the conversation he usually zoned out and today wasn’t an exception. Quidditch wasn’t an exciting topic for him after all. Though he liked seeing Sirius in his quidditch robes when his cheeks were a bit flushed from flying...

_Woah, wait. What kind of people think about their friends in quidditch robes in THAT way?_

He winced. That was not okay.

_What about that Potions essay I have to write til Monday?_ he thought trying to distract himself. 

He thought about which books he would borrow in the library for the essay as he reached his goblet.

_Wait, did I even return the ones I used for the last essay?,_ he wondered while taking a sip.

A strange feeling occurred in him.

“Hey Moony, what do you think about James’s inhuman quidditch training plan?” Sirius interrupted Remus’s thoughts. James rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, I don’t give a damn fuck about your bloody quidditch training unless I get to see you in quidditch robes,” Remus declared.

_What. The. Hell. Did I just say that out loud?_ Panic rose in Remus and he blushed once again. He suddenly found his stew really interesting and wished for the blush to fucking go away.

First Sirius stared and flushed a bit, then he chuckled, “All right then.”

James just rolled his eyes at the two boys again and Peter seemed to have overheard Remus’s embarrassing words because he thoughtfully suggested, “Well I think training every second day really is a bit too much to ask for from your teammates. Maybe you shou-”

“Are you all enjoying dinner?” a voice behind Remus interrupted Peter.

He turned around and sighed. It was Severus. But he had the weird urge to answer his question.

“I’m not really, to be honest. James, Peter and Sirius are talking about quidditch training and that is hella boring, I think, well not everything about it but I’d rather not talk to you about that cause I really don't like you. I like today’s stew, though, but then again I lost my appetite the moment I saw you.”

_What the fuck?_ Though it was the truth, he would've never insulted Severus aloud. Remus wanted to have as little attention as possible. He normally only insulted him when one of his friends was about to do something to him, which would result in detention, or when Severus did something to his friends. But not without reason. And interrupting one of his friends and asking if you enjoy dinner wasn't exactly a good reason.

“What do you want?” Peter asked, still a bit offended for being interrupted.

“Oh, I just want to talk Remus here. Tell me, what are your secrets?” he asked Remus with an evil grin.

James and Sirius laughed derisively at him. Peter looked at Severus in disbelief. Before Remus could decide whether to laugh, to counter or to just stare at him in disbelief like Peter the strange feeling of wanting to tell Severus his secrets grew.

“I...”, he started frowning, not quite comprehending what was happening. “I am a monster.”, his eyebrows furrowed further. The other two had stopped laughing and looked confused at Remus.

“My scars...”, he swallowed. “They’re not from an accident. I do this to myself every month.”

_Why the fuck am I telling him this?_ _What in Merlin’s name am I fucking doing?_ He panicked with big fearful eyes.

A few heads had turned and now watched the scene. _Yay attention, exactly what I wanted._ He thought sarcastically.

“Moony what the...?” Sirius asked Remus worried. James glanced from Remus to Severus.

“What? Do you hate yourself so much?” Mulciber, a Slytherin who came with Severus, asked with a grin.

“Yes, that too,” Remus answered honestly. _STOP!_ he screamed to himself internally.

_Why is it always me that this shit happens to?_ He felt like crying.

“What do you mean by ´that too´?” Severus wanted to know.

“Oh, you see the thing is I'm a Wmehorf”

“Remus, stop talking!” Sirius cried startled as he crawled over the table and put his hand in front of Remus’s mouth. At the same time two other Slytherins disarmed Peter and James before they could even realize what the fuck was happening and now pointed their wands on them. Simultaneously Severus threw Incacerata spell at Remus. _Fuck._ He was caught.

_And fuck, did I just almost told everybody that I'm a fucking werewolf?_ Remus had never been more grateful for the pretty boy’s friendship.

_Wait did I just thought Sirius is pretty?...But, pff, I mean, yeah, Sirius is dang attractive. But you can for sure think about that, normally, as a friend, right? That’s not weird at all, or? Merlin, this really is the worst time to think about Sirius! About Sirius being so close to me...Being pressed against his body...with his hands covering my lips...as he tries to keep me from ruining my life even more than it already is._ That thought brought Remus back to the present, reminding him why Sirius was so close.

“What did you do to him?” James demanded to know. At the same time Mulciber pushed Sirius away from Remus and Remus couldn't do anything to help Sirius.

_Noooo! I want Sirius back. No. Wait. I don't. Bloody inappropriate thoughts. Not now!_ He thought to himself. There really was a bit too much going on to let himself allow these kind of thoughts. Not that he would think about Sirius at other times. _Absolutely not._

“Nothing,” Severus simply answered, then he turned to Remus again. “What do you want from Lily?”

_Lily? Hä?_

“Nothing, we’re best friends since the end of first year. She’s like a sister to me.” Severus visibly relaxed at this. Sirius was now being held back by Mulciber, his wand lay on the table. Remus wanted to help Sirius. And his other friends, of course, but Severus wasn’t finished yet. And Remus really wanted to answer his next question, too.

“What are your blood traitor friends up to?”

“To be honest with you, I don’t know.” Remus shrugged. “They’ve been really weird and secretive this month. Often whispered and then silenced when they saw me. First I thought they wanted to get rid of me because I’m...”

“Silencio!”, Sirius yelled at the top of his lungs, now standing on top of the table. He had managed to free himself from Mulciber and had grabbed his wand. Everybody in the great hall stared at him.

_Well, that’s a bit dramatic, Sirius._ Remus thought as he continued, “...a werewolf,” but no sound escaped from his lips thanks to Sirius’s silence spell. Remus could've hugged Sirius right now but, well, he still was caught.

_Sirius is such a quick thinker. Nobody really seems too realize how clever Sirius actually is._

Sirius sighed relieved. Then he jumped of the table and furiously aimed his wand at Severus.

“What did you do to him, you creep?” he shouted. _And he is really protective of his friends._

“What’s the meaning of this?” a voice behind Remus wanted to know. He turned around to see McGonagall.

He tried to explain the situation but no sound left his throat. Then he felt Severus's spell vanish because he could move again. That coward must've disabled it as soon as he saw McGonagall.

“This disgusting git did something to Remus.” Sirius explained enraged. _And he has a bad temper, but this is part of his charm._ Remus added to his mental list. Remus kinda liked it how Sirius’s feelings could change in a matter of seconds. It was not often, well okay always, advantageous, but it was just who Sirius was.

“I just asked Remus a few questions. I don’t think that’s a crime, Professor?” Severus asked McGonagall with faked innocence.

_What. A. Dick._

“He did something to Remus,” Sirius persisted. _He always stands up for his friends, is always there for them._ _Such a good friend,_ Remus added to his list.

“It was really unusual, Professor. Remus was willing to answer all kinds of questions,” James reasoned while giving special emphasis to ´all kinds´ and looking McGonagall meaningful into the eyes.

_Yes! Thank you, James, for talking with reason. Not that Sirius can’t talk with reason, too, but he’s at the moment just a bit too hotheaded for doing so._

McGonagall’s facial expression didn’t change. But Remus was sure that she had understood.

“I see. I propose we finish this discussion in my office. Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew if you’d follow me please and Mr. Snape-,” she said, while turning around to leave. “We’ll listen to your report of this incident later.” And with that they all walked silently, Remus forcedly, to McGonagall´s office.

Along the way Remus added more and more things to his list.

\-------------

“Would one of you care to explain what happened?” McGonagall asked the four boys after they all had sat down in front of her desk. Remus attempted to answer but he was still silenced. Peter wondered how he got into this mess. He had just wanted to propose an idea of a new quidditch training plan when that greasy rat, Snape, interrupted him. He was still mad because of that. Peter repositioned the mandrake leave in his mouth angrily.

“This greasy git hexed Remus or something. Moony almost told everybody in the great hall that he’s a werewolf. I know it was him. That fucking bastard!” Sirius explained harshly while his fingers angrily fidgeted at his clothes. James looked at Sirius with a weird expression. Peter just sighed. Sirius was always overprotective of Remus, he was sometimes a bit jealous. He knew many people thought he was just the mascot of the marauders. He wanted the people to see he was equal to the others. Yes, he wasn’t as gifted or good-looking as James and Sirius or as clever as Remus, but he wasn’t useless. He was better than the others in Herbology, well he was the only one who still took the subject, but the others had discarded it because they weren’t good in it. At least that’s what he told himself, but he sometimes wondered if they just weren’t interested in plants. But still he wasn’t just a part of the Marauders because they shared a room and he wanted others to see that too.

“Language, Mr. Black!” McGonagall scolded Sirius as Peter thought about all this.

“Snivellus really was a fucking dick, Minnie,” James entered the conversation.

“Language, Mr. Potter!” McGonagall sighed and turned to Peter. “Mr. Pettigrew, do you now what happened and please try to use as little swear words as possible, would you?”

_Yes! Someone acknowledged me._ He got nervous.

“Ehm, yes Professor,” Peter answered. Sirius bristled with anger and folded his arms angrily. James nervously fidgeted and Remus remained silent on his chair while grabbing the armrest so strongly that Peter could see his knuckles turn white.

“I don’t really know what happened exactly but at one point Snivellus, I mean Snape, came to Remus and started asking questions and Remus answered them,” Peter explained.

“Oh, come on, he didn’t just asked questions. He did something to Remus. I don’t know what, but Moony almost told him about his condition,” Sirius interjected with a frown. Peter winced. James looked like he just scored a goal in quidditch.

_Weird._

McGonagall looked at Sirius with an expression Peter couldn’t identify. Peter had never been good at reading others.

“Why don’t we just ask Remus what happened?” James stated the obviously.

“Good suggestion, Mr.Potter.” McGonagall turned with a raised eyebrow to Remus.

“Eh, Sirius put a silence charm on him,”Peter noted. _Ha, I'm helpful._ McGonagall waved her wand without saying the incantation.

“Mr. Lupin, please explain what happened in the great hall and also without swearing if possible?”

“Yes, Professor.” Remus shifted irritated. That in turn irritated Peter. Remus rarely looked irritated.

”I was eating stew. James, Sirius and Peter talked about quidditch. I thought about Sirius in quidditch robes, then about the potions essay, then about which books I will borrow, then about which books I haven’t returned yet. Sirius asked me what I thought about James’s new training plan. I answered. Peter was about to propose an idea about the quidditch training when Severus interrupted him. Severus came with some other students, one of them was Mulciber. Severus asked if I enjoyed dinner, I denied. Then he asked what my secrets were so I tried to tell him, but Sirius prevented me from finishing the sentence. Mulciber pulled Sirius away from me and Severus cast an Incacerata spell on me. Then he asked me about my relationship with Lily. I told him that we are best friends. Then he wanted to now what Peter, James and Sirius were up to and I answered him that I didn’t know and told him how they have acted weird this month and I thought it was because of me being a werewolf, but I didn’t say the last part loud because Sirius cast a Silienco spell on me. Sirius pointed his wand at Severus. Then you arrived and wanted to know what’s going on. I couldn’t answer. Sirius insulted and accused Severus. Severus said he was innocent and undid the Incacerata spell. Then James told you indirectly that I was willing to tell Severus about my condition. Then you wanted us to come to your office. So we walked to the doors of the great hall, Sirius opened them.”

Peter and the others stared at Remus and Remus blushed. Remus’s description was weird, not the way he normally talked, but Peter couldn’t exactly make out what it was that bothered him.

_Probably it was just the lack of swear words and that Remus had hardly mentioned me during his narration that bothers me,_ he thought annoyed.

“I’m inclined to agree that Mr.Lupins behaviour seems a bit odd,” McGonagall said with furrowed brows.

“What did Snivelus do to him?” Sirius asked worried.

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure. It’s probably the best if we consult someone else,” McGonagall stated.

“Dumbledore?” James wondered.

“Perhaps. But first I suggest Professor Slughorn.”

“Why?” Peter asked. How could their weird fat potions teacher help. Peter didn’t like him at all. Partly because he was almost as miserable as Remus in potions, but hadn’t have a good excuse as overwhelmed werewolf senses. And partly because Slughorn had a club he invited in young witches and wizards, who seemed promising. Needless to say Peter wasn’t one of them.

“Because obviously I wouldn’t answer those kind of questions Severus asked me. And it’s unlikely it was a spell. At least none I have heard of. In any case we were in the great hall having dinner, where it is quite easily possible to mix a potion into one’s food as we all know due to the fact that we did it last year to mix a potion into the Slytherins food which made them all lose their hair,” Remus answered Peter’s question. Peter panicked.

The other two Marauders looked at Remus irritated. This has been one of their pranks they were able to escape without punishment because there was no proof supporting Slytherins accusations. Remus had planned this prank and that’s probably also why none of them had been caught.

“I see Remus is as quick on the uptake as always,” McGonagall said with a proud smile. Peter was jealous, he wanted to be looked at proudly and/or impressed, but he also tensed as he waited for McGonagall to give them probably months of detention.

_Dumb Remus. I would’ve never given away a secret._

The four boys now all fidgeted in their seats and Remus blushed. However McGonagall didn’t mention Remus’s confession.

“Let’s pay Professor Slughorn a visit. And Mr. Lupin, I strongly suggest you talk as little as possible if my assumption is right. Or try not to talk at all, understood?” Peter liked that suggestion, maybe he now had the chance to say something smart or impressive.

“Yes, Professor.”

\---------------

They all stood up and made their way to Slughorns office. Nobody talked. It was weird.

Sirius was still a bit perplexed because of what Remus had said earlier.

_Had he really thought about me in quidditch robes earlier that evening, before the whole Snape incident had happened?_

Sirius blushed and tensed up at the same time. Luckily none of the others seemed to notice.

_He probably just thought about me playing quidditch or some stuff like that. It means nothing. You can think about your friends in quidditch robes without being gay or something. There’s no way Remus thinks about me the way I do about him. Or...?_

Before he could explore that thought further Minnie opened the door to Slughorns office. Slughorn sat on his desk marking an essay with an open bottle of firewhisky next to him.

_Does he really marks essays drunkenly? No wonder I have gotten an 'Outstanding' in Potions last year._

“Oh, hello, Minerva. I already expected you to come.” Sirius didn’t believe him for one second and apparently nor did Minnie. She wrinkled her nose and gave the firewhisky a derogatory look.

“Evening, Horace. Then you for sure know why I’m here, do you?” she asked him with a provocative tone. Sirius got the impression Minnie didn’t like Slughorn very much and that only confirmed his high opinion of her.

Slughorn laughed and patted his big belly during so. “Ehe, hehe, eh, I guess it is, eh it’s because of an incident?”

Minnie nodded reluctantly. “I’m afraid somebody gave Remus a substance urging him to tell the truth, if you know what I mean.”

Sirius also got the hint, but that couldn’t be.

Veritaserum is extremely hard to get. You can’t just buy it in a normal shop in the Diagon Alley, he knew that because his mother once had threatened to use on him, but decided not to because it would be a waste. And making Veritaserum is even more difficult. But, although he hated to admit it, Snivellus was really good in potions.

_I’m gonna kill that twat for hurting Remus._

Slughorn bended forward to Remus. “Oh, interesting, really interesting. Hmm. Young lad would you tell me how you feel when I ask you a question?”

“Disgusted because I can smell your niffy breath right now.” Remus’s eyes widened.

_That’s my Moony!_ Sirius smiled to himself.

He could see Minnie biting a proud smile, James chuckled but tried to cover it with a cough and Peter sharply breathed in.

“I’m sorry. No that’s a lie. Honestly, when was the last time you brushed your tooth?” Remus clasped his hands over his mouth in horror.

Sirius and James both burst out laughing, Peter stared in disbelief, Minnie was fully smiling and Slughorn moved away from Remus. Slughorn’s and Remus’s faces were both equally red and both probably for the very same reason. Embarrassment.

Minnie cleared her throat and Sirius and James both stopped laughing.

_Merlin, Remus is a treasure. Never fails to surprise me._

“Well, I think we can take that as a proof that Veritaserum has been used on you Remus.” She turned to Peter. “Mr. Pettigrew would you please go to Dumbledore’s office and bring him here as quickly as possible.” Peter’s face lit up and he hastily left the room.

Sirius was furious at Snivellus for hurting Remus, but at the moment more worried about Remus, so he shoved his anger aside for the moment.

“Can you help him?” Sirius asked Slughorn worried while staring at a still very flushed Remus. Remus looked to the ground, biting his lip as if he wanted to make sure that no sound would escape his lips. It was adorable.

Slughorn had apparently caught himself and now started to search his cupboards, collecting various ingredients. “Of course I can. In contrast to Veritaserum its antidote is pretty easy and quick to make. It’ll approximately take an hour.” Sirius sighed relieved, though his own definition of quick was definitely not an hour, but the danger of anybody finding out Remus’s furry little problem had been reduced.

James ran his hands through his hair, also relieved.

“Soooo…,” he started. “What do we do now?”

Sirius glared at him. _Seriously?_ “What do you mean? We stay with Remus, of course. Or do you have somewhere better to go?” Sirius asked with a daring look.

_If James really thinks he can just leave Remus alone, then I’m gonna have to kick my best friend in his crotch._

“Wha-No. Sirius that’s not what I meant.” James rolled his eyes and gave Sirius a look. Sirius ignored it.

“Then what did you mean?” Sirius demanded to know. Back in his head he knew he was causing a scene but Remus deserved to not be alone. After all they’d been more or less lying the whole month to him. Maybe that’s why he reacted so extreme. Or because he wanted to protect him and be there for his Moony, but had once more failed to protect him.

Slughorn had stopped working and Minnie watched the scene interested but didn’t bother to interfere.

Suddenly Sirius felt a warm firm hand grab his wrist. Remus. He looked at Sirius intensely.

“Sirius,” he said with a soft and caring voice that made his stomach flip. “It’s okay. I think he just wanted to know what we’re supposed to do while waiting for the antidote.” Sirius believed him, not because he had truth serum within, but because of the way Remus looked at him. Sirius’s anger at James immediately vanished and with that also his attention to his surroundings. Instead he found himself getting once more lost in beautiful amber eyes and Remus stared back. Remus’s light brown curly hair was falling a bit into his face and Sirius wanted to brush it away, but he fought that urge. Instead Sirius studied Remus face further. His new scars over the bridge of his nose were still reddened. They reminded him of the morning after the last full moon. Back then Remus had looked pained and had tried to hide tears from Sirius. Now his face looked honest and peaceful. Sirius’s eyes fell onto Remus’s lips and that’s when he caught himself again, suddenly very aware that they were in a room with two teachers and his best friend. He blushed.

He sighed internally. _Merlin, does Remus always feels like this when he blushes?_ It was truly exhausting.

“Okay,” he said quietly with a rough voice.

He looked around the room, which was filled with tension. The others were all looking at the two boys. Slughorn looked confused. Minnie looked somehow how proud and winsome, which confused Sirius. And James just grinned. Sirius wasn’t sure what to think of that.

_Fuck, how long have I stared at Remus? Did they see that I looked down at his lips? What are they thinking? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

At this moment the door to Slughorn’s office opened and Dumbledore and Peter entered the room and the tension in the room eased, but Sirius still felt heated from Remus’s intense stare.

“Ah, Dumbledore, lovely to see you,” Slughorn greeted Dumbledore. Minnie grimaced.

“Horace. Minerva.” He nodded to the two teachers with a smile and then turned to the boys calmly. “Peter already told me what happened. He also told me that you boys think it was Severus Snape who did this to Remus.” It was not a question and that’s probably why Remus didn’t reply.

“You’re gonna expel him, right? It can’t be legal to use truth serum on others,” Sirius asked the old man.

“There’s no proof yet, supporting your accusation, Sirius, and therefore I can’t just expel a student. Only think about how often you would’ve been expelled.” The old man said with a wink.

Sirius flushed, not out of embarrassment but out of anger. “But he is a git. He constantly picks on Remus and even threatened to expose his secrets the other day,” Sirius said frustrated.

Remus interjected, “Sirius that’s not true,”at that he winced and corrected himself, “Well it is, but we pick on him too.”

“Only because he always starts insulting you first and you don’t deserve that,”he countered angrily.

_When will Remus finally understand that he doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit?_ He pondered enraged.

Remus winced again.

“We will talk to Severus Snape as you mentioned he threatened to do something like this to Remus,” Dumbledore said calmly and then turned to Minnie. “Minerva, would you accompany me?” She nodded.

“Oh and Horace,” Minnie said on her way out of the classroom. “I’m sure nothing Mr. Lupin will or has said under the influence of Veritaserum will have any effect on his grades.” It was not a question, but sounded more like a threat. Sirius wanted to hug Minnie right now, but she would probably give him detention or something for that, so he refrained himself. Remus looked extremely grateful and James proud. Exactly this was the reason why the Marauders loved their head teacher so much.

Then Minnie added,“And when you’re finished we’ll meet you in the staff room.” Slughorn mumbled something indistinct.

_Wait, a staff room? Where? Bloody hell, why hadn’t they thought about that earlier? Of course there was one. All the mischief they could do there…_ Sirius repositioned the mandrake leave in his mouth while thinking that.

He turned to James and James already grinned excitedly and nodded. They would keep this new piece information in their minds for an other time.

\----------------

It took half an hour after Minnie and Dumbledore had left for Slughorn to finish the antidote. During this time the Marauders hadn’t talked much. Though it would’ve been a great chance to find out how Remus felt about certain serious things (pun intended) and other stuff, but they had all silently agreed to talk as little as possible to Remus. It just wouldn’t have been right to use Remus’s miserable situation against him.

After five minutes in uncomfortable silence, in which only Slughorn had hummed every now and then, James had broken the silence. First he quickly had cast a Muffliato charm in order to talk with the other Marauders without Slughorn eavesdropping.

“So are we gonna talk about it?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Peter replied questioningly.

“About the staff room! Any ideas what we could do there?”

“Seriously? I think this hardly is the right time!” Sirius responded angered and then looked protectively at Remus.

_Merlin, he is so obvious!_ James hadn’t been sure if his best friend had feelings for Remus or even if he was into dudes, but the latest events had shoved every doubt aside. The first time James had noticed Sirius’s glances at Remus he had been confused because he knew nobody who was gay and hadn’t heard about it much. It wasn’t exactly a popular topic in the magic world, so he had never given it a second thought before. As a result he hadn’t been able to put a finger on whatever it was that Sirius had going on. Then Marlene McKinnon had came out at the beginning of the year and that was what made him wonder if Sirius was gay too. Since then James had been more observing of Sirius. This evening had proven to James that his assumptions had been right. _The way Sirius defended and cared for Remus... it is difficult not to see._ James sighed.

“Well I thought it would be better than to sit in awkward silence or ask Remus questions he would be forced to answer honestly,” James tried to reason logically, though that was probably just wasted effort. Sirius never thinks logically when Remus is involved. That’s been one of the first things James had realized after he’d started to presume his best friend’s feelings. He sighed again and turned to Remus. James knew that Remus always had the highest chances of calming Sirius quickly down.

“What do you think, Moony?” James asked. Sirius looked at James angry at this. James could understand this anger, he felt the same when somebody was mean or anything to Lily. But Lily always stepped in before James could lose his temper. So he now tried this tactic on Sirius.

“I think it’s a good idea, at least better than being catechized by you guys.”

“Okay. But if you need anything tell us, okay?” Sirius said to Remus worryingly.

“I won’t. Fuck.” Remus bit his lip. Sirius winced.

“Moony please, for me?” Sirius pleaded with big puppy dog eyes.

Remus sighed. “Fine I will for you.” He blushed a bit and turned his head away.

_These dorks._ With Remus James wasn’t sure if he was into dudes. _That guy just always blushes and is really hard read._

After Sirius’s and Remus’s agreement the Marauders discussed various ways of how they could prank their teachers in the staff room. Remus held himself in the background, probably not wanting to give too much information.

Before Slughorn came over to them and James undid the Muffliato charm, they had come to the mutual agreement that they first would have to inspect the room to make further suggestions.

“Here young lad, drink this. Don’t worry it won’t blow up like your potions,” Slughorn said with a smirk.

“Hey! Remus interjected a bit offended. “I’m sure you would too have some trouble mixing bloody potions if you could smell every fucking ingredient in this stifling room. Like why are there no fucking windows to get some fresh air into that bloody room. For the fucking aesthetics or what?” Remus flushed and quickly grabbed the antidote and downed it.

“Ask me something?” he demanded after finishing.

“Ehh, do you like quidditch?” Peter asked awkwardly. James grunted.

“Yes. Absolutely love it.” Remus grinned brightly and so did the other Marauders. James could see Sirius’s hand twitch towards Remus as if he wanted to hug him, but Sirius suddenly changed the direction and went through his hair.

_What a dork,_ James thought and shook his head a bit.

Remus turned to Slughorn. “Thank you for the antidote, Professor. And I’m sorry that you heard, eh, all this…,” he said with an awkward gesture, symbolizing his earlier insults.

“Hm. Hm. Oh. It’s fine. See you lads in potions,” Slughorn replied shortly.

The marauders left Slughorn’s office and ran up to the Gryffindor tower with a detour to the kitchens as they had barely had a chance to eat before the whole incident happened. Sirius grabbed lots of chocolates for Moony. James smiled to himself. It was sweet to see Sirius care so much about Remus.

_I only hope Remus feels the same. They would be a cute couple._

...

_Yeah. I ship it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this chapter got a bit longer than anticipated. Sorry. I hope you liked it though.
> 
> Have a good time!


	5. Revelations: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the Veritaserum incident. Remus and Sirius both come to conclusions.
> 
> I decided to split this chapter into two, otherwise it would be way too long.
> 
> However, enjoy!

The next day after the incident in the great hall Sirius woke up in his bed feeling restless and nervous. Yesterday he became aware of how strong his feelings for the young werewolf were. He would do anything for him. It scared him.

He sighed and drew the scarlet bed curtains aside to look at the clock.

_Fuck._

It would take another two hours before anybody else in the dorm would wake up to dress up for school. He sighed again.

_What now?_

Sirius shortly considered grabbing one of Remus’s many books to kill time, but he shoved that thought away.

_What if I would wake Moony up? What if Moony would wake up to me stealing one of his books? What would he think? Would he ask me why I can’t sleep? Would I answer that it is because of him? What if I had to see an adorable sleepy Moony with bed hair and couldn’t resist confessing my feelings? Nope. Not an option._

Sirius himself only had a little number of books which weren’t school books and he had read them all. He considered reading one again but they were all romantic novels and Sirius didn’t know if reading a book of two persons falling in love was what he wanted to read right now. It would probably remind him of Remus somehow and in the end he would stop concentrating on the book and would again be in the same situation he was now in.

_So what am I gonna do instead?_

Sirius sighed once more. After a moment of consideration he decided to go to the common room, there at least his friends wouldn’t be in the danger to being woken up by one of his sighs.

Quietly he pulled on some socks, left the Marauders’ dorm and walked down the stairs.

It was only the moment he opened the door that he realized that the common room wasn’t empty.

_Fuck._

The person who was in the common room had already turned around the moment Sirius had opened the squeakily door. It was Marlene McKinnon.

“Eh, sorry. I, eh, I think I’m gonna go somewhere else, eh sorry,” Sirius apologized. He slowly walked to portrait hole.

In response she shook her head. “No, it’s alright. You look like need time to think as well,” she shrugged. “I can go.”

“What? No. I don’t… you can stay.” Sirius was confused. He hadn’t thought of anybody being here at this hour. And he was confused because he really wanted Marlene to stay. He didn’t want to be alone. “It’s past curfew anyway.”

“Oh, okay.” Her face lightened up.

Sirius nervously sat down next to her in front of the fire place. None of them talked for a while, then Sirius broke the silence because he couldn’t bear the uncomfortable silence any longer.

“Soo… what do you need time to think about for?”

Marlene blushed. “I don’t think...you wouldn’t... It’s quite a shitty situation…What do you need time to think about for?” She asked Sirius avoidant.

Now Sirius was the one to blush. He panicked. “Oh, eh, nothing you know.”

“Oh, hmm,” she squinted her eyes at him, nodded and then looked into the fire again.

Again uncomfortable silenced followed.

Sirius tried to think of something they had in common. He couldn’t think of anything, he didn’t really know her well. Like he liked her and stuff, she was a cool witch after all, but they never really had spent time together. He knew her because she was close friends with Lily. And Lily was a) James’s one and eternal love and b) Remus’s best friend. Remus. He liked Remus. Wait.

“You are gay!” Sirius exclaimed a bit too loudly and a bit too enthusiastically. Marlene winced and looked at him questioningly. “So, you’ve got a problem?” She asked provocative.

_Oh she thinks I’m homophobic or something._

“No, not at all. I’m not anti-gay. Really. I’m pro-gay. I’m supergay.” Sirius blinked.

_Did I just tell that girl I barely know I’m super-fucking-gay?_

Marlene’s eyes widened only for second, then she nodded. “Oh. Yeah. Makes sense.”

“Wh-What?”

“I… sorry,” she chuckled, “It’s just not...not really a surprise to me.”

“Oh...how?” _Am I this obvious?_

“It’s just, I don’t know. You’ve never really looked...at Mary. Everybody else does,” she whispered the last part. It clicked in Sirius’s mind. Mary was pretty and curvy girl, she caught the eyes of everybody.

“I’m gonna take a wild guess and guess that everybody involves you?” Marlene blushed heavily.

“Don’t tell anybody. Especially not Mary,” she panicked.

Suddenly Sirius grew conscious of how similar their situation was. After all they had a lot in common. They both were helplessly in love with their hot room mate, who would never return their feelings.

He laughed at this absurdity.

“What?” Marlene asked confused and with fear in her eyes.

“Haha...I’m sorry...hihi...It’s just..ha.. It’s…I...I’m in exactly the same bloody position,” he told her while catching his breath.

Her eyes widened. “Wha-It’s Remus, isn’t it?”

Sirius blushed and nodded. “How did you know?”

“You’re so protective of him and often glance at him during the lessons and- Oh my gosh! It all makes sense now.” She laughed and Sirius reddened even further, but eventually laughed with her.

After these little revelations to each other they talked about their crushes until the common room started to fill with people and they realized they should probably change into their robes.

On his way upstairs he thought about their talk. He had won a new friend. Marlene had eventually offered him to call her Marls like her close friends did. So he did.

It also had felt good to talk to somebody who could understand his situation. Or just talking about it at all. It felt good. He felt lighter.

_Maybe I should tell James?_

\-------------------

Remus was tired. Not only tired, but extremely exhausted as well.

Last night he had thought about everything that had happened. Somebody had used Veritaserum on him. Probably Severus. But why?

_Does he know something? Or did he just chose to go at me because I’m friends with James who is well-known for being in love with Lily Evans? Or did he pick me because I’m friends with her? Or does he have suspicions about my condition? Will he tell somebody? Will I be expelled from Hogwarts, the first place I have felt home since the bite?_

Sure, Dumbledore wouldn’t want to expel him. He knew about his condition. After all he had convinced Remus to go to Hogwarts. But Dumbledore couldn’t defend him from a horde of angry parents, who felt worried about their kids going to school with a werewolf.

It drove Remus crazy. That asshole had almost outed him in front of the whole school as a werewolf. For what? Jealousy? Or is it more?

But that hadn’t been the only thing that had kept Remus awake. The other thing was Sirius. Remus had thought about him in a way he didn’t think about others at dinner and then there had been that moment in Slughorn’s office where Sirius eyes had looked at his lips for a moment and Remus had felt this burning sensation…

Remus blushed again the same way he had when Sirius had finally broken eye contact.

_Why the fuck is the thought of Sirius looking at my lips making me blush?_ He sighed and jumped out of bed confused and angry at himself.

“Morning, Moony. You alright? Yesterday was...interesting,” James asked from the other side of the room, already fully dressed.

“Yeah, couldn’t be better,” Remus answered sarcastically and headed for the bathroom.

“Yeah, no, if you need anything…,” James stammered.

“It’s okay, James. Don’t worry,” Remus said and closed the bathroom door.

After he’d showered and dressed Remus opened the door again to find Sirius collecting his school robes and James sitting in his bed while reading some magazine. Sirius turned around and stared.

_Why is he always staring at me? Is it because of my scars? Will he look at my lips again?_ Remus felt himself blush and looked away.

“Peter already went for breakfast?” he asked trying to sound casual.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Yeah, eh, yes.”

“Then better hurry, we don’t want Peter to eat everything alone,” Remus said playfully hoping for the damn blush to go away.

Sirius raised his left eyebrow. “Says the one who always refills his plate twice.”

Remus smiled. _He’s right._

“So, James, what are you doing?” Remus tried to change the topic really, really subtle.

“Och, I’m gonna hurry if that means I don’t have to listen to a detailed explanation about why Lily’s eyes look like leaves after the rain and are therefore the most beautiful ones in the whole universe. Again,” and with that he made his way to the bathroom.

James blushed sheepishly and cried after Sirius, “I’m actually reading a quidditch magazine.” He turned to Remus and started talking in normal volume. “Look these are the newest brooms. Look at this one, it’s called...”

James was about to give him exact explanations to every new broom and why it was better then the one before.

“You know, James, I think I’m gonna get some breakfast and join Peter. Not that I’m not interested in, eh,” He made a gesture to James’s magazine, “you know, am just starving and…,” Remus closed the door to an appalled looking James and rushed to the great hall for breakfast.

Fifteen minutes after Remus had went down to breakfast the other two Marauders had joined him and Peter eventually. They had discussed yesterdays events and by now they all had agreed that it must’ve been Severus Snape who had mixed the serum into Remus’s food. However they weren’t sure what his motive had been and that scared Remus and brought back all his thoughts from the night. Sirius still tried to convince Remus that Severus for sure would be expelled. But Remus wasn’t so sure about it. He only knew about one student who had been expelled. Hagrid. And that for having a magical creature who possibly killed somebody, but Remus wasn’t sure about that part. He had done some research about that and it didn’t make any sense. In addition the Marauders often visited him in his hut near the forbidden forest. He was a friendly, awkward guy, who would probably very excited if he knew about Remus’s werewolf part.

This was what he was thinking when they headed for their Transfiguration class when suddenly Sirius growled, “That fucking bastard!”

Remus followed Sirius’s eyes and found Severus waiting in front of the classroom.

“What is he doing here?” Peter asked. “Shouldn’t he have been expelled?”

“Exactly.” Sirius sounded furious.

“Sirius, I want to punch him too, but don’t do something stupid. We don’t exactly know what’s going on. Maybe…,” James started while grabbing Sirius’s shoulder in an attempt to calm Sirius down. James looked helplessly to Remus.

_Why is he looking at me? I want to punch Severus as much as they do. Only I can’t afford it. I would probably expel myself immediately if I did._

Sirius shook away James’s hand from his shoulder, marched up to Snape and punched him in his face. Remus felt some satisfaction at that and immediately hated himself for it. _This would be something the wolf would like, but not me. I cant._ Then Sirius grabbed Snape by the collar and asked angered with his brows furrowed: “Why the fucking hell are you still here?”

“Why shouldn’t I be. I did nothing wrong,” Snape answered innocently and shrugged. Remus wanted to puke.

“You fucking git! We know what you did to Remus. Why the fuck did you do it? Moony didn’t deserve that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Snape said again, still acting innocent. Remus clenched his fists.

“You…!” Sirius started while lifting his arm to punch again. His eyebrows were now even more furrowed and Snape grabbed his wand. Apparently Sirius didn’t even think about using his wand, probably because punching someone is more satisfying. And at that Remus’s anger vanished for the moment. As much as he wanted to hurt Snape he couldn’t let Sirius get hurt by a curse from Snape.

“Sirius don’t.”

Sirius froze. “Moony?” Snape lowered his wand.

“He’s not worth it,” Remus tried to sound calm. Even though he wanted Snape to be hurt, he wouldn’t let Sirius do it and be punished for it.

Sirius still froze. They stared at each other and Remus felt himself loosing connection to his surroundings. He felt dizzy, but in a good way.

“Please?” Remus asked Sirius.

Sirius’s face softened and he lowered his arm, then he turned to Snape again, breaking their staring.

“This isn’t over yet. You won’t hurt him ever again. Understood?” Sirius asked Snape with a cold glare.

Before Snape could answer McGonagall opened the door. She glanced from Snape to Sirius and then to Remus, then back to Sirius. “Lesson is starting,” she said finally and went back into the classroom.

The students followed and Remus tried his best to focus on the lesson.

Unfortunately he couldn’t.

All he could think about was how Sirius had defended him and by that had risked getting hurt. How Sirius had cared for him. How he had still managed to look beautiful with his face looking so angered. How they had stared at each other in the morning. How there had been this moment yesterday in Slughorn’s office where he had felt like all his worries had vanished. All the other times this had happened. In the hospital wing. After a nightmare. When Sirius would bring him extra chocolate. Remus thought about all the times when Sirius had made him feel this way and suddenly it hit him.

“FUCK!” he exclaimed aloud. The entire classroom looked at him. He flushed.

“I...” He swallowed. “I, eh, I mean that’s fucking amazing… all the...things you can transfigure into other things. That’s…fucking amazing and, eh, I...I’m sorry for the interruption.” He finally caught himself again.

McGonagall looked a bit irritated as well as everybody else in the classroom. Everybody looked confused except Remus. Remus suddenly understood. Everything made sense now. How did he only now realize it? How could he have been so oblivious? It was all so clear. So obvious.

_I’m gay._

_I’m gay for Sirius Black._

_What the fuck?_

_When had that happened?_

_Why?_

_Can I be a bloody werewolf and be gay?_

_Ain’t that a bit much?_

_What the frickin fucking hell?_

“I see. Well, ehm, let’s continue,” McGonagall blinked and eventually continued.

Remus knew James, Peter, Sirius and Lily were still staring at him but he couldn’t look into their eyes. Especially not Sirius’s. If he knew...He would lose him. He would lose them all.

_But maybe also not? I mean they have accepted me being a werewolf, so there really isn’t anything worse than that…_

_But maybe they just tolerate me and if they would knew that it would be too much and they couldn’t stand being with me any longer…_

Remus’s thoughts spun around these thoughts for the whole rest of the lesson. It was the first time he didn’t listen to one word a teacher was saying and the lesson ended with zero notes on his paper. It was only when the other started to pack their bags that he realized that the lesson had ended and that there were no notes on his paper.

_Fuck. I’ll have to ask Lily if I can copy hers. And Lily will ask questions why…_

_Fuck you Sirius Black._ Remus glanced at Sirius annoyed when they headed out of the classroom. Sirius looked irritated.

“You okay, Moony?” _Shit. Now he thinks I’m angry at him, which I indirectly am but still...I don’t want Sirius to feel bad._

“Yeah. Just haven’t gotten the notes the way I wanted.” _Because I didn’t make any because I was too distracted by discovering I’m gay,_ _because_ _apparently into one of my best friends,_ _oh fun fact it’s you_ _and_ _because I_ _realiz_ _ed I_ _hav_ _e_ _to live with another secret because I can never let you know_ _and therefore leave me_ _._

“I’d offer you to compare them with mine but...unfortunately I didn’t make any,” Sirius nervously went through his hair. Remus rolled his eyes and gave him a small smile of reassurance, which in turn made Sirius smile.

_Merlin, Sirius does look dang attractive when he smiles. Wait! No, not now gay thoughts._

“I’m sure Lily will help you. I can ask her for you, you know,” James entered the conversation with a smirk.

“Oh, fuck off, James,” Remus said and walked over to Lily to escape them.

Remus thanked Merlin that they hadn’t asked what his little exclamation in Transfiguration meant. Yet.

However Lily did. “What was that in McGonagall’s lesson. ‘Fuck’? Seriously?” She scolded him.

_Oh, if she only knew how right she is. It is siriusly._

“I’ll tell you some other time,” he tried to delay the question.

Lily’s eyebrows furrowed and she looked at him sceptical.

“So...eh, can I borrow your notes.” She studied his face and he gave in. “I didn’t make any.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Fine.” Remus sighed relieved. “But I’ll give them to you in our study room after lunch,” she added cunningly.

Remus tried to argue but failed. He knew she wanted to catch Remus alone to discuss his little scene in Transfiguration but he also needed the notes. Moreover he also couldn’t argue anymore because Lily was already rushing off.

“I know what you’re doing, Lily, and I don’t like it,” he screamed after her.

As a response she only gave him the finger without even looking at him. Remus sighed.

\------------------

Sirius watched as Remus went over to Lily. Probably it was more staring than watching because James poked him with one finger and said: “Dude, you are staring.”

Sirius immediately responded with blushing. “I was just thinking about Remus,” he said defensively. James raised an eyebrow. Sirius reddened more.

“I...I mean, eh, because of what he said. Well more screamed and eh,” Sirius stammered trying to save himself.

“I know what you were thinking.”

_He knows? What the fuck?_

_How the fuck does he know that I thought about his butt as he walked away?_ Sirius eyes widened.

“I thought the same.”

_WHAT??? You thought about Remus’s butt too?_ Sirius now looked utterly terrified.

“You did?” Sirius asked disbelieving.

“Yeah, of course.” _OF COURSE?_ “What Remus had stammered after his little ‘Fuck’. He talked about how great Transfiguration is. He must’ve found out that we’re trying to become animagi.”

“Oh... OH.” Sirius sighed relieved. He really didn’t like the idea of somebody else thinking about Remus’s butt who wasn’t himself.

“What? You thought something else?” James asked sceptically.

“Wha-Oh. No. That was my thought. Exactly my thought,” He replied hastily.

“So what are we supposed to do?”

“Supposed to do about what?” Peter joined in. He had talked to some Ravenclaws and walked over with one of them. Sirius didn’t know her, but Peter must fancy her or something.

“James, I mean, we think Remus found out about our little mission.” Sirius answered.

“Hä?”

“You know our problem with the leaves...” Sirius said with a look, hoping the Ravenclaw girl wouldn’t understand.

“Oh, yeah, the mission. With the leaves. I...I’m sorry Sabine. Can you help me in Transfiguration another time?” He asked having finally understood.

“Oh are you guys planning a prank again?” They nodded eagerly.

“Oh, I love them. Won’t disturb you. See you, Peter.” And with that Sabine gave him a peck on the cheek and left. Peter looked after her dreamingly.

“Peter! Since when are you such a ladies man?” Sirius asked surprised.

Peter flushed a bit. “It’s nothing we were just talking and...”

“I’m happy for you, Pete.” a voice behind Sirius said. James and he both turned around startled.

“Moony!” _Did he hear what_ _we_ _were talking about?_ ”Merlin, you scared me.” He laughed. “Since when have you been standing here?”

“I just came over.” _Puhh. That was close._

“So, you’re hungry?”

“Always.” Remus said without looking Sirius in the eyes. Sirius tried not to think about what that meant.

Anyways, they made their way to the great hall to have lunch.

By the time Remus refilled his plate, Sirius couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to know.

“So what was your little scene in Transfiguration all about?”

Remus blushed and avoided to look into his eyes. “Ehm. Nothing.” He said quietly. _Why is he avoiding my gaze?_

“So you didn’t like found anything out?” James asked.

Remus head shot up and he looked…scared. “N-No. Why, why do you ask?”

“Oh just thought it was weird.”

“Yeah. Probably,” Remus’s face was full of insecurity. Sirius hated when Remus looked this way.

“Hey. Never mind, beautiful,” he tried to reassure him. Remus blushed and now looked at Sirius.

Remus moved his mouth but no sound escaped his lips. It reminded Sirius of the day before when Sirius had to silence Remus with a spell. He winced at the memory of that night and looked at his plate. Remus continued eating. So did Sirius. Peter looked dreamingly over to the Ravenclaw table. And James glanced from Sirius to Remus and sighed.

\---------------------

Remus entered the Room of Requirement late. He had been discussing with himself if he really should tell Lily. But Lying was not an option as Lily would notice it, so he decided to tell her the truth. Plus he really needed her notes and after all maybe it would be good to tell somebody. Especially Lily as she has always been understanding and caring. And he needed a friend. And she was his best friend. Maybe she wouldn’t hate him. Maybe.

“There you are. I already wondered if you would even appear.” Lily said annoyed.

_Maybe now isn’t the best time?_ Remus was scared even though he knew Lily would probably the last person to have a problem with this.

“I’m sorry, Lily. Didn’t want you to waste you time,” he apologized.

She snorted. “Waste my time. Seriously Remus?”

“So...will you give me your notes?”

“Depends on how much I like what you’re going to tell me. It must be really something if it made you forget to take notes,” she replied with a grin. Remus winced and looked to the ground.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He could feel himself panic.

Lily must’ve seen it too because she stepped up to him and grabbed his arm.

“Hey, sorry, Remus. I didn’t mean it that way. Please breath slowly.” Her tone was worried and Remus realized his breath had quickened.

“Fuck! Sorry, Lily.”

“Shh shh, don’t. Everything is okay. I’m here for you nothing will ever change that.”

_Nothing will ever change that._

Remus breathed in.

_Nothing will ever change that._

Then he breathed out.

_Nothing will ever change that._

After some seconds his breath was steady again, but his heart was still pounding.

“I...thank you, Lily. For being my best friend. That...I can’t even say how grateful I am for having you...”

“Remus? What is going on? Why are you talking like that.” She sounded truly worried, Remus still couldn’t look into her eyes.

“Be-Because you might not...want to be friends with me after what I’m going to tell you.”

And he would tell her. He had to.

“And I want you…I want you to know that I could understand that.”

“Remus? What-?”

“I’m gay.”

_Fuck. I’ve said it. Aloud. To Lily. My best friend. Probably former best friend. No there is no way back._

Suddenly he felt her hands cupping his face, but he still didn’t look into her eyes.

“I...Remus, I knew.” At that Remus surprised lifted his eyes to look into hers. There were tears in it. “And I’m so, so sorry that you thought I wouldn’t accept you. I love you. You’re like a brother to me and…and I’m really sorry that you haven’t felt comfortable enough around me to tell me.” Now she was crying.

“Lily. Please don’t cry,” Remus started to cry now. _Damn feelings._

“You know I actually didn’t knew it until today.” He offered her a shy smile.

“What? But you’re so...obvious and-oh the ‘fuck’ in Transfiguration?”

Remus nodded and smiled brightly. Lily laughed and hugged him. Remus did laugh too and returned the hug. They stayed like that for a while, smiling and hugging.

Then Remus suddenly pulled away. “What do you mean I’m so obvious? How could you know before I did?” He asked irritated.

“Oh, eh, I thought you had a thing for Sirius but nevermind.”

Remus blushed. _Merlin! Am I this obvious?_

“Wait you do, don’t ya? Merlin’s beard.” Her eyes were glowing. “Wow.”

“I know. It’s dumb. I shouldn’t. But I just can’t stop...How did you know?”

“You guys are always staring at each other and there’s this tension between you,” she shrugged.

“Between us. Do you...do you mean he’s also…?” Remus couldn’t finish that sentence it would be too absurd. Sirius would never return his feelings. He was Sirius after all.

“I think, but I’m not sure. But I know that he’s always overprotective of you and he calls you all these nicknames...why does he do that anyways?”

“Oh, ehm, after the last full moon...I think he wants to reassure me or something because of the new scar in my face, but I couldn’t tell him to stop yet.”

“You like it, don’t ya?”

“Shut up” Remus blushed once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the next few chapters will probably take longer intervals for me to write & post because school is starting for me again (You know, it was closed because of the Corona situation), so sorry in advance.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter.  
> Have a wonderful time and stay healthy!


	6. Revelations: Part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more revelations if you haven't already guessed that from the title plus some bad puns. Sorry about them in advance, just couldn't resist it. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me this long to update the story. I hope you enjoy it, though.

“Where do you think he went?” Sirius asked James while he studied the Marauder’s Map.

“Who?”

“Remus,” Sirius responded impatiently without looking up from the map.

“Studying with Lily, I guess. Wasn’t that what he said? Library then probably.” James shrugged.

Sirius chewed his bottom lip. “But they’re not on the map.”

Remus had left lunch hastily with an indistinct explanation that he was going to study with Lily. It was now almost dinner time, so Sirius had started searching for Remus on the map so they could collect him on their way to the great hall.

“Doesn’t matter right now, does it? We have to find a solution about what we’re going to do,” Peter commented.

They worried that Remus had found out that they were trying to become Animagi, so they could prevent Remus from hurting himself every full moon. Their worry was because Remus had seemed to have some sort of revelation in Transfiguration but had been pretty secretive about it. He hadn’t even be able to look Sirius in the eyes. At that thought Sirius let out a small huff.

_He would eventually have to understand that we’re only doing it for his own good, or?_ They had only kept it a secret from Remus because they knew he would try to stop them. Sirius had hated it to see Remus’s hurt and insecure faces whenever he had caught them whispering about it. But they had to keep it secret from him long enough so they could come to a point of the transfiguration where he couldn’t stop them anymore because it would be too dangerous and they could risk losing body parts or some other scary stuff could happen.

“Well, we have to take out the leaves today anyway, so how about we just tell him today? That had been our plan anyways.” James suggested.

“Sounds good,” Sirius replied, feeling a bit anxious but also relieved at the same time.

They turned their heads to Peter. James raised an eyebrow. “I’m in.”

“It’s settled then.”

“Oi, do you mind if I leave? Sabine said we could meet up before dinner and…,” Peter flushed.

“Aww, our little Petey is all growing up. Look at him James.” James laughed. Sirius cleared his throat and tried to make himself as tall as possible. “Young lad,” he said with a deep voice, “I expect you home at eleven o’clock and-”

“Eleven o’clock, are you mad? That’s no time for a decent boy like our little Petey to come back home. Who raised you?” James interrupted him in an unusual high voice.

“Nobody, dear, unless you count in a crazy house elf.” Sirius smacked James’s ass lightly.

“Oww. Wanker.” James rubbed his butt, then turned back to Peter and continued talking with a high pitched voice, “I want our boy home at nine and don’t you dare be even one second late,” he pointed with his finger at Peter.

“Son, we expect a report of your today’s evening occurrence afterwards. You’re dismissed,” Sirius made a movement with his hand as if he tried to waggle him away. Peter was scarlet red by now and laughing sheepishly. James and Sirius tried to maintain their severe faces but eventually too started laughing.

“Uff, James! I didn’t knew you could have such a high charming voice.”

“Ow shut up, Sirius! I’m surprised you touched someone’s butt that doesn’t belong to Remus.”

Sirius blushed but tried to hide it behind his hair as he bowed down to grab a pillow to let it fulfil it’s purpose which now was smacking James. “Aww, you jealous?”

They kept bickering like that for a while and didn’t realized that in the meantime Peter silently tiptoed out of the dorm.

“Huh, I think we lost Peter,” James noted after a while a bit breathless.

Sirius nodded, catching his breath. “Guess he prefers girls over pillow fights.”

James looked thoughtful as he cast a Reparo spell at the pillows which fell victim to their pillow fight.

“Ay, come on James, I’m sure one day Evans will see more in you than a what was it that she said, a ‘pitiful wanker whose capacity to think is similar to the one of piece of fucking shit’?”

James grimaced at the memory. Sirius gave him a pitiful look. “Hey at least she notices you,” he patted James’s shoulder.

“I’m sure Remus does notice you,” James muttered in response and then looked a bit startled as he realized what he just said. Sirius froze and tensed up.

_Did he just-? Does he-? How-? No, he’s probably just joking._

Sirius gave his performance of the best fake laugh he could. “Good one,” he replied. James looked irritated.

“Wha-? You’re not…? I thought...you were. Weird- I mean not that. I don’t have anything against that or stuff like that, it’s just...I thought...you...Remus...Sorry, just must’ve jumped to conclusions. Forget I said anything.” James was making vague hand movements and shrugged sheepishly and turned to grab his golden snitch toy he always played with to impress Lily or when he was nervous, which in turn happened often when Lily was around.

Sirius didn’t know how to react. _His best friend, his sort of brother, had realized he was gay and in love with Remus._ _At least that’s what it sounded like._ _And he was okay with it,_ _he had said. He’s okay with it..._ _Ha_ _ven’t I_ _even thought of telling James this morning, after_ _t_ _his conversation with Marlene?_

“You…,”he swallowed, “You are okay with it?” He asked silently, looking to the ground and blushing. His hands were clenching into fists so much his knuckles turned white.

“What?”

“With...gay.” Sirius swallowed again. “With me...being gay.” It was nothing more than a whisper but James understood. He let the snitch fall onto his bed and hugged Sirius. Sirius winced at the sudden touch as he hadn’t looked at James and therefore not seen him initiating a hug. James pulled away and looked at Sirius.

“Of course I am, Sirius,” he said softly and Sirius could see the truth in James’s eyes as he now was looking at him. Sirius’s teared up. “I...sorry-thanks...I’ve wanted to tell you, but couldn’t. I wasn’t...my family would’ve never...”

“Hey, Sirius, it’s okay. I’m not like those bastards you have to call family,” James hugged Sirius again and this time Sirius returned the hug.

“Merlin, I feel so stupid for crying,” he muttered as they pulled away.

“Don’t. I know your parents aren’t exactly tolerant about anything at all but you’re as always rebelling against them, you know. Becoming a Gryffindor, being friends with blood traitors, sharing the dorm with a half blood, this half blood being a werewolf, occasionally you being gay for said werewolf” James grinned at Sirius.

“Shut up.” Sirius grinned back and blushed, then his face hardened. “Don’t tell anybody, es-especially not Remus.”

“I won’t. That’s your thing to do,” James winked.

“Bugger off!”

James laughed. “Come on let’s get dinner.”

“What about Moony?” Sirius glanced at the map.

“What? You can’t live without him for five minutes.”

“NO!!! But, he’s not on the map, that’s weird, you have to admit.”

James shrugged. “I dunno. Remus did most of the research for the map, maybe he just wants you to stop stalking him because of you lovely obsession on him,” James wiggled his eyebrows.

Sirius sighed exaggeratedly. “I should’ve never told you,” he shook his head.

“Well, you didn’t. I found it out with that brilliant brain of mine, which furthermore disproves Lily’s comment about me being a ‘pitiful wanker whose capacity to think is similar to the one of piece of fucking shit’ if I may add.”

“Merlin! And you say I’m the one with an obsession.”

James laughed, standing at doorstep and about to go down the stairs when Sirius became serious once more (yeah, a pun, again. I’m sorry. Except, no, I’m not.)

“James?” James stopped and turned around.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks...for accepting me for who I am,” Sirius said with a small smile.

James face softened. “Always.” Then his face become joyful again. “But expect me to talk with you about this moony situation again,” he said with a wink.

“As long as that keeps you from talking about Lily’s lustrous hair.”

“Hey! Don’t tell me you never thought about his hair dreamingly. I’ve watched you staring at him long enough,” James teased.

“Who’s now the stalker, huh?” Sirius retorted but secretly he had to admit James was right. He often had watched how the sun shone at Remus’s hair, bringing emphasis to the golden highlights in his otherwise light brown hair. His thoughts got caught up on the image of Remus reading a book in one of his oversized jumpers while the sun shone through the window creating a small halo on Remus’s curly light brown and partly golden shining hair.

James suddenly boxed Sirius into his side. “Ow! What?”

“Oh, Merlin! You just thought about his hair, did ya?” He laughed.

Sirius blushed, which was answer enough.

\-----------------------------

Sirius and James had sat down on the Gryffindor table, while Peter was at the Ravenclaw table chatting with Sabine. On their way back they had discussed more ideas of how they could prank the teachers in the staff room. Now Sirius was just about to take his first bite from some pork when his fork stopped in midair. James who sat opposite him gave him a questioning expression and then followed his gaze.

Lily and Remus were laughing together and walking down towards them. _Remus looks so happy, so relieved. He should look like this more often, it suits him._

While Sirius was thinking about Remus’s smile James on the other hand was extremely surprised when Lily fucking Evans sat down next to him while shooting a disingenuous look at Remus, but that didn’t really mattered to him at the moment because Lily fucking Evans was sitting next to him. All he could think about was that Lily bloody Evans sat next to him. By choice. Maybe not by the choice James wished for but he chose to just be grateful for it.

Lily’s true intention had been looked through by Remus immediately, but he only rolled his eyes. He didn’t really mind. After he had confessed to Lily that he was gay and in love with a certain Black sitting on the bench next to him, he didn’t really mind having to sit beside him because Lily had already reserved the place next to James. _She’ll probably regret_ _i_ _t soon enough._ So Remus sat down next to his gorgeous crush.

Remus sat down next to him. Sirius tried not to be distracted by that too much, but their arms brushed when Remus sat down. It wasn’t something they hadn’t done before, but lately Sirius had become more and more tender to Remus’s touches. He could feel Remus’s warmth for a short moment, but a second later it was already gone and Sirius had to resist the urge to slide closer to Remus because he missed his warmth already. He could hardly concentrate on his food, even less on the conversation or better call it bickering between James and Lily. He blushed. _Idiot._

Lily ended her conversation with James Potter with some X-rated swear words and turned to the other two boys opposite Lily and James. Sirius was blushing but tried to hide it with looking at his plate and examining it really concentrated. Meanwhile Remus was shoveling food in his mouth like it was his last meal for a long, long time. One could think it was because of his werewolf metabolism, which he was always hungry because of, but Lily Evans knew that this was Remus stress-eating and not the werewolf being hungry. So, being the good friend she was, she tried to distract and ease the situation.

“So, what did you do today, Sirius?” Sirius head shot up and his whole body tensed up, so that he spilled his drink. James laughed merciless as some of the pumpkin juice fell on Remus’s jeans and Sirius hastily putted some napkins on it while repetitive muttering how sorry he was for being such a moron. During that he also blushed and Remus reassured him and told him everything’s okay repetitive while blushing as well whenever they touched. Lily couldn’t help but join into James laughter. _These idiots._

“Merlin, so I guess, you had an interesting day,” she said after she caught her breath again.

At this Sirius blushed even more, becoming almost as red as the Gryffindor banner.

“N-No. Nothing interesting.”

“Oi come on Sirius, we’ve talked about many interesting things.” Sirius shot a deadly glare at James. He in turn lifted his hands innocently. “Like our next prank.” He turned to Lily. “Lily did you know there is a staff room,” he asked with shining eyes.

“Of course. Remus and I have been in there lots of times.”

James mouth fell agape and Remus had started to scream ‘Lily, no!’ but it was too late and James had already turned to Remus in disbelief.

“You knew?! How come you didn’t tell us? Why did you acted like you didn’t knew yesterday? I’ve never been this shocked,” James acted appalled and grabbed his chest as if he was in pain.

Remus now shot a deadly glare at Lily. “Well due to the fact that Lily and I are actually eager to do our homework we had some questions to ask a few times because we wanted good grades unlike other certain persons. One time we couldn’t find McGonagall and another teacher suggested we should search for her in the staff room. She told us where to go. We did. She was there. We got our answers. When we couldn’t find a teacher after that we first went to the staff room to look for her or him. However we’ve never seen the inside of the room as the teachers always talked to us in the hallways, not wanting us to come inside. Due to that I couldn’t give you any useful information about it’s inside apart from telling you were it was, what I did and you guys didn’t ask me any question about how I got that information. To answer your third question: I didn’t act if I didn’t knew, you were just too busy being excited about it. And to answer your second question: Due to the fact that I was under Veritaserum and therefore not in talkative mood you guys avoided asking questions and I avoided talking.” Remus now looked annoyed.

“O-Okay then, uhmm, soooooooo, Lily how was your day?” James stuttered a bit taken aback. Lily rolled her eyes and didn’t answer, so after some seconds James silently looked down at his plate.

“Are you okay, Moony?” Sirius asked softly.

Remus was poking his food angrily. “Wha-oh, eh, yeah, sorry about that.” He pointed with his knife at James and James nodded while staring at the moving knife pointed at him in Remus’s hand.

“No, I mean are you really okay?” He asked gentle.

Remus sighed. “I...It’s just been a bit much...the last few hours...”

“You mean the Veritaserum thing and your little ‘Fuck’ in Transfiguration?”

Remus blushed but nodded. “Don’t worry the day will get better, love.”

Remus blushed even more, but now lifted his head to look Sirius directly into the eyes. They were somehow stormy and somehow calm at the same time. They were filled with warmth and a piercing shine at the same time. Sirius had this incredible intensity where Remus felt like burning and calming at once. It was contradictory and really confusing but also elevating. _Just like Sirius is._ Remus found strength in these wonderful eyes that managed to make his heartbeat fasten but his body relax at the same time.

“Why do you call me that...those names…?” Remus blushed.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Remus bit his lip. He didn’t, but he couldn’t say that, could he? Sirius’s eyes dropped on Remus’s lips for only a second but it was enough to make him feel on fire. He had to strongly tell himself not to do something he would regret later. He collected himself again.

“I doubt it would stop you, you know,” he answered with a soft smile, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but his voice felt husky.

“You’re right.”

“Guys! Guys! You’re not gonna fucking believe this.” Peter brought both boys back into reality. Somehow they had lost their attachment to their surroundings while staring at each other. Lily and James both looked at Peter annoyed but James quickly started to smile, so Peter didn’t realize that something was off. After all Lily always looked a bit annoyed at the Marauders.

“So, me and Sabine talked and talked and then I asked if she wanted to go to Hogsmade with me and she said yes and then…”

\--------------------

The marauders had just turned back into their dorm from dinner when Remus told Peter that he still had something green between his teeth from dinner. At this the whole room felt silent. Remus stopped his movement to his junk as he realized the silence.

“Guys, what’s…? Did I say something wrong?” His eyes went from Sirius to James to Peter and back to Sirius.

“I-We have to tell you something,” Sirius answered.

Insecurity went up the werewolf’s spine. “Okay,” he answered calmly. Silence.

“We’re becoming Animagi to spend the full moon with you so you stop hurting yourself,” James quickly replied eventually.

“What?” Remus was too shocked to say anything else. Disbelieving his eyes darted back and forth between the other Marauders.

Sirius lifted his hands as if he wanted to show that he wasn’t armed. “Don’t say anything yet. Just listen, please.”

Remus was still struggleing whether he should believe it or laugh because they were probably just joking. He blinked and started to move his mouth but no sound escaped. He didn’t know what he should say.

“Moony, please, for me?” Sirius pleaded.

Unable to talk, Remus nodded. He never could reject Sirius’s puppy dog eyes.

Sirius let his hands fell and walked over to his bed, pulled out a muggle binder and presented it in front of Remus. Then he started talking about how they were becoming Animagi, that it was a safe option to keep Remus from hurting himself as they were animals, that Remus couldn’t stop them anymore because if they stopped now there would be dangerous consequences. Sirius kept talking like that for an hour. Talking about all risks and possibilities. At one point Remus had felt his heart grow bigger and warmth flooding his veins. He felt so much affection for his friends how they went through all of this, to help him. To make him feel better. To keep him from hurting himself. To not let him be alone while he was going through hell. Remus felt affection and pride and guilt and love and warmth and hope and guilt and happiness and guilt. Guilt for making his friends do this. He hadn’t realized it but he had started to cry silently because when Sirius turned around after explaining one diagram about the dangers of dropping out of the transformation process he stopped talking for the first time in an hour. Sirius’s eyes filled with worry.

“Moony?” His voice was gentle and full of worry. He took Remus’s hand and sat him on his bed and then positioned himself beside Remus, still holding his hand. Remus didn’t pull away. Peter and James turned around, they had both followed Sirius’s presentation with huge interest because though they already knew everything Sirius told Remus it was still made pretty interesting and they have been surprised by how serious Sirius (there we go again) had explained the whole thing. They stepped closer and set down on Remus’s bed too.

“Moony?” Sirius asked again.

Remus tried to answer but there were no words for describing how he felt. Overwhelmed. He wanted to say that he didn’t want them to do this for him, that he didn’t want to be burden for them, but Sirius had already pointed that out in his presentation. _Bloody bastard. Who he thinks he is for_ _preventing me from_ _argue_ _ing_ _?_

Remus wanted to tell them how sorry he was for crying but Sirius was drawing small circles on Remus’s hand and Peter and James both looked reassuringly at him. He wanted to tell them how grateful he was for having them, how much affection he felt for them, how he could never thank them enough even for just thinking about a way to improve his situation. But all this would be insufficient. No words could really describe how he felt, how thankful he was. But he could try. Though he was utterly overwhelmed he tried to say something, to show them how he felt.

“I can’t believe-You all are-I’m sorry-I don’t know what to say,” he managed to to say, still at loss for words. He was too overwhelmed by how much his friends wanted to help him, so he hugged them tightly in a group hug. It was a bit awkward at first as they didn’t really do group hugs anymore, but he could feel Sirius returning the hug tightly as well as James and also Peter.

Eventually he pulled away again and wiped his tears away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” James said softly.

“I just-I can’t believe what you’re doing. For me.” He said the last part deprecatingly.

  
  


“Of course we do, Moony. I-We need you,” Sirius interjected.

  
  


“You are our friend. A Marauder. We’re a team, you know?” Peter added.

  
  


Remus shook his head. “Wow...I...You guys are amazing.”

  
  


James chuckled. “Looks, like your research in that binder had helped to avoid an angry Moony.”

  
  


“Your research?” _Did Sirius did all this? For me?_

  
  


Sirius blushed but nodded. Remus couldn’t keep himself from hugging again. But this time he only hugged Sirius. It probably is a bad idea to hug our crush so tightly you can feel every part of the other’s body but Remus didn’t care. This just made him fall in love a little more with Sirius and this way he could at least hug him without it being weird. Maybe it was weird, though, but one could just think that Remus was still pretty emotional from the other Marauder’s revelation.

  
  


After some time that only felt like seconds for Remus and Sirius, but had definitely been longer for James and Peter, they pulled away.

  
  


Remus shook his head again. “I still can’t believe-Wait! The green thing between your teeth is that the mandrake leave?” They all nodded.

  
  


“While eating and talking we always had to be very careful not to swallow it but we can take it out tonight,” Peter said with a smile.

  
  


Suddenly Remus understood. “The way you guys ate, the little panics when one of you guys tried to gag, bloody hell. Why didn’t you guys just used a sticking spell?”

  
  


Peter, Sirius and James blinked. James turned to the other two. “Yeah, why didn’t we do that?” he asked a bit provocative and amused.

  
  


Sirius answered, “Because we need our Moony to remind us.”

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized it doesn’t make any sense that they already have nicknames about their animagi form even though they aren’t animagi yet. Sorry about that.  
> Edit: I've corrected this mistake, so just pretend in the following chapters that you haven't read those nicknames or whatever.  
> I hope you guys have been able to enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Have a nice day!


	7. Animagi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a smaller chapter than usual, but I thought it would be better to split it here. Otherwise it would've gotten really long I think, though I haven't written the next part yet, which is also why I'm post this small part already as it otherwise would take longer for you guys to get new stuff.  
> Anyway, I hope you like the chapter.

“I think today’s the day,” James exclaimed way too excited for the early time it was.

Two days after Sirius’s, James’s and Peter’s revelation the animagi spell was almost finished. The last few days James has always been up first and the first thing he did was to wobble sleepy to the window to check the weather.

They had to wait for a storm to finish the spell and Sirius hoped there would be one before the next full moon in three days, so that Remus wouldn’t have to endure it alone ever again. After all Sirius had made himself promise that the last full moon would have been the last where Remus would hurt himself. He had prayed for a storm every minute since they had took the mandrake leaves out. He couldn’t endure another night where he had to hear an occasional howl through the walls of the castle that always sounded so pained. He couldn’t be helpless again. He couldn’t.

And that’s been why he jumped eagerly out of bed every day after James had woken him up to stare out of the window. And James just had provoked a hopeful feeling of him, which was why he jumped this time so fast out of bed that he almost stumbled over his blanket but Peter stabilized him in time. A small ‘Thanks’ was all he could mumble before he freed himself from the blanket and made his way to the window again. Peter followed excited in a similar way. Remus was more reluctant. He quietly got out of bed and tiptoed to window but stayed a bit away from the others.

They watched the sky which was cloudy and grey.

“I think you’re right!” Peter jumped up and down nervously.

Sirius smiled. His prayers for a storm to appear had been answered. He glanced to Remus who was nervously pulling the sleeves of his pyjamas. He didn’t smile like the others, but the moment h felt Sirius’s glance he forced a smile on his face which looked more like a grimace.

“Hey, Moony, that’s good news, you know,” Sirius whispered to Remus’s ear so that the others couldn’t hear it. Remus shivered. Suddenly worry filled Sirius. “Are you cold?”

Remus intensely locked eyes with Sirius. “N-No. It’s nothing.”

“Hey, everything will be alright, I promise.” Sirius had grabbed Remus’s wrist and squeezed it reassuringly.

“Okay,” Remus answered a bit flustered and hastily turned his head away as well as his wrist.

Sirius tried not to feel disappointed and lost without Remus’ss warmth and it’s sudden absence, but James already gave him a knowing look.

_Bloody bastard._

\---------------------

“Are you guys really sure? I mean I know it’s dangerous if you stop now but still...” Remus pulled his sleeves nervously. Water was dropping from his hair and from time to time a lighting bolt enlightened his face.

“Yes,” they all answered with a firm voice. Remus sighed. “Okay. I can’t do anything anyways. But be careful please?”

“Of course, Moony.”, “Yes.”, “Sure.” they answered.

“I hate this,” Remus muttered. “I can’t do anything to help you guys. Just have to sit and watch.”

“At least you now know how I-we feel every month,” Sirius winked at Remus.

Remus blinked and flushed, but eventually took some steps backwards to give the other Marauders more space.

“Okay, at the count of three?” James asked. Peter and Sirius nodded. James looked to Remus, “Would you?”

Remus nodded reluctant. “You guys ready?” They all held up their Animagus potion as response. Remus nodded as if he was trying to convince himself to do this.

“Okay. One.” They all removed the cap from their potions.

“Two.” They held the potion bottle up to their lips.

“Three.” And now they drowned it.

Remus stared at them with big eyes. Nothing happened. After a half a minut he asked, “Soooo, do you guys feel any different? Can you change? Did it work? Does it hurt? How-” Remus stopped when Peter suddenly shrinked until he wasn’t there any more. “Peter?!” Remus hurried to Peter’s pile of clothes and found a rat. “What? Peter? Where-Is that-Is that you?”

“Ow, I think he forget to transform with the clothes changing spell,” Sirius suggested.

“Eww, you mean I’m holding a naked Peter in my hand?” Remus grimaced to Sirius who had came over to examine the rat in Remus’s hand. “James, you have to see thi-” Sirius stopped talking the moment he turned around. Remus followed his gaze. There was no James. Instead there was a stag.

“James?” Sirius laughed and then suddenly stopped as he started to feel himself changing too.

Remus watched as Sirius grew smaller and black fur appeared. It only lasted a few seconds until there was a dog where Sirius had been standing.

“Aww, you’re cute, Sirius.” Remus had wet down and petted his head while also blushing. The dog barked and put his paw in Remus’s. “Look at you,” Remus examined Sirius’s dog paw, “You’re a padfoot.”

The black dog barked. “You like that, huh, Padfoot?“The dog wiggled his tail excitedly. Remus laughed, but kept caressing the black dog.

James turned into his human form again. “Merlin’s beard, it worked! Sirius you are a fucking dog and Peter’s a rat and I’m that thing- what’s it called again?- You know the animal with the prongs?”

Sirius turned human again. “Prongs? I’m sorry dear, but you’re a deer. Oh fuck that’s a pun. Amazing! Think of all the insiders we could make and-OW!!!”

Peter had bitten Sirius in the leg. James and Remus both laughed. “I-hihi- I think we should give this little wormtail some space to change back. Don’t really wanna see him naked.”

They laughed and slowly went back to the castle, so that Peter could still catch up. After some time he did.

“This was amazing.”

“Well you two have cool animals. I’m a fucking rat.”

“Are you kidding? We’re big animals. How the fuck is a deer supposed to low-key walk around the castle and there are no dogs allowed in Hogwarts, so they will know something’s up. But you’re small and people keep rats as pets so you can spy easily and all the other stuff you could do...” James reassured Peter, who started to smile confidently at this.

“Well, of course that’s a plus, but we’re actually doing this for Moony not for some pranks, Prongs.” Sirius commented. Remus started pulling the end of his sleeves nervously again.

James sighed and gave Sirius a look. “That names stuck with me now, isn’t it, Pads?”

“Oh, fuck off, Wormtail of course you are the most useful animal,” Sirius ignored James.

Remus didn’t say anything. He didn’t say that he thought a dog to cuddle with was way more useful in his opinion. Or that he was starting to feel anxious again about what’s going to happen on the next full moon.

“Hey, Hey guys!” James caught the attention of the Remus who had been lost in thought and Sirius and Peter who had started talking about all the possibilities of Peters animagi form.

“You guys realize we all got names?”

The other three Marauders stared at James dumbfolded. “Eh, yes, Prongs, I had realized I’ve got a name...” Sirius replied smirking and with a raised eyebrow. “What are you getting at?”

“No, not our real names, you twat, but our nicknames. We’ve got Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs,” James answered excited while pointing at the particular owner of the nickname.

“So?” Peter asked.

“Is this about your plan to secure the map?” Remus replied and James nodded.

“What do you mean? The map’s already secured with a password.” Sirius glanced between James and Remus.

“Well, when we made the map you guys wanted it to have a password, which we’ve already achieved to make but James once had suggested that we need one more defensive mechanism. His idea of an other defensive mechanism was to insult anybody who tried to open the map without password.”

“That’s genius, Prongsi.” Sirius face light up. Remus rolled his eyes. “How come this is the first time we hear about that?”

“Well, you were busy flirting with Hannah Stebbins and Peter with tying to with the girl next to her. Don’t remember who that was.” Remus had gotten quieter as he said this, realizing that remembering every person your crush flirts with was probably nothing you should know.

He cleared his throat, “Anyways, I told James that this would be a bit difficult without revealing our identities or anything unless James wanted the map just to insult somebody without the person knowing who’s insulting them, James suggested that that would take the fun out of it and I agreed, so we dropped the topic, or at least I’ve thought that.” Remmus yawned.

“We can talk about this tomorrow. Moony needs his beauty sleep.” Sirius gave Remus a warm glance, which Remus returned with a huffy glance.

“We should probably try to get some sleep as well,” Peter suggested.

“Yeah.” James agreed as they walked the way up to the Gryffindor tower. James was studying the map to make sure they wouldn’t get caught because the four boys didn’t really had enough room under the invisibility cloak the way they had in first year. In fact, only two people could fit under it safely without a foot or anything showing out, which is why they had taken only the map.

When they reached their dorm and Peter had closed the door, James cast a drying spell on all of them, being the mother hen he was and told Remus to make himself ready for bed first as he needed the most sleep because it was only two day until the next full moon. Remus would’ve almost laughed at this. Usually the nights before the full moon were plagued with nightmare and/or an anxious sleep. But instead of laughing, Remus obeyed and made himself ready for bed.

He brushed his teeth, washed and changed into his pyjamas as he always did. He always changed behind closed curtains or a closed door, so nobody had to see his sliced body. Now he was hit with the realization that his friends were going to see his ugly scars during and after the transformation. But they wouldn’t only see his scars they would see him finally wear the monster on the outside that he was on the inside. He winced and gulped. He shove these thoughts away and tried to remember how they looked when they told him that they were trying to become animagi. For him. They had looked steady and determined and friendly. Remus gulped again and tried to keep the memory of their reassuring faces in his mind, then he looked in the mirror. His friends, his best friends who made Hogwarts home for him were going to see the monster inside of him. He might hurt them, but no, Sirius had explained that werewolves aren’t aggressive towards other animals, only humans. But still...

Remus could feel his breath quicken and his body tremble, so he clutched the sink to have something to hold onto. His eyes watered but he didn’t allow himself to cry. No, he tried to remember his friends warm faces, their reassurance. Peter who always walked to the kitchens and brought him extra chocolate. James who always made sure that Remus would have the chance to sleep enough before and after the full moon, who took notes for him even though he hated it. Lily who also took notes for him, but with more passion and who helped him with small gestures or distracted him when she noticed a change of his mood. And Sirius. Sirius who wouldn’t go to classes after a full moon, only that Remus wouldn’t wake up alone, who cuddled with him after a nightmare, who understood his pain and fears and was just always there for him. Remus conjured Sirius’s eyes, which gave him calm. He saw his friends laughing with him, being there for him. Their warmth gave him strength.

Remus felt the trembling stop. He breath had slowed down again and he hadn’t cried. He observed the image in the mirror. A boy who wore an oversized jumper as pyjamas, who had slightly curly hair, amber eyes and scars. So many scars.

“It’ll be okay. It has to be.” The boy whispered to himself, hoping nobody would get hurt, except him. Remus sighed. At least he had prevented a panic attack. Then he straightened his back and let go of the sink.

He left the bathroom and walked towards his bed. Peter grabbed his stuff and walked towards the bathroom. Midway Remus stopped and looked at his friends. They in turn had noticed Remus hesitation.

“Moony?” Sirius asked gently.

“I just…wanted to say thank you…for everything.”

Then Remus blushed, stumbled towards his bed and drew the curtains. He closed his eyes and waited for the darkness to capture him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!  
> I also wanted to say thank you to everybody who is reading this fic and thanks for leaving kudos and comments and stuffs, really helps motivating me to keep writing :)  
> So thanks!
> 
> And have a nice day!


	8. The nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty dark at the beginning, so maybe don't read it if you're having a really bad day. However the ending isn't dark, but rather fluffy.  
> I hope you can enjoy the chapter nevertheless!
> 
> And by the way I'm really, really sorry for the delay.

He couldn’t see clearly, his vision was blurry. He was laying on the floor of something, something Remus couldn’t focus on. He panicked. _Why can’t I see clearly?_

He didn’t realize he was crying.

So he kept panicking and tried to use his nose, which usually worked better than those of other humans, but he only smelled something metallic, he liked that smell somehow. _Where am I? This doesn’t make sense._ He tried to sit up but his hand slipped in something wet and warm and red.

Remus didn’t realize the metallic smell came from the blood he just slipped in.

Remus stared at his hands, still not comprehending when he heard a small sound like a creak. It sounded as if somebody was trying to crawl over the floor. Remus turned his head and though his vision was still blurry he could see somebody in front of him moving. Black hair and grey eyes. _Sirius._

Remus didn’t realize that Sirius was trying to move away from him.

Remus stumbled over to Sirius who winced. “Sirius, where are we? What happened?” His voice was coarse.

He didn’t realize why.

So he took Sirius’s hand in his bloody red one. Sirius flinched backwards. “Don’t touch me!” Remus froze. “Why?” _Is he hurt?_ Remus still wasn’t able to see clearly, but he could sense that Sirius was afraid of something. “Are you hurt? What happened?” he asked, but Sirius only tried to get further away.

He didn’t realize it was him Sirius was afraid of. Him he was trying to get away from.

“You-Why did you do it? We were your friends!” Sirius cried, his voice wavering and full of hurt and fear and anger. “Sirius what are you talking about?” Remus’s vision started to clear. He saw a dishevelled and anxious boy sitting pressed against a wall of a house made out of wood.

He didn’t realize it was the Shrieking Shack.

“They-They are dead. Dead because of-of you. W-We were you friends...friends, we wanted to help you and you, you killed them. We were friends...” “What?” Remus leaned towards Sirius. “Sirius, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but everything will be okay.” Remus grabbed Sirius’s wrist. Sirius flinched again and screamed: “Don’t touch me, you monster! Or are you trying to maul me like you did them? Why didn’t you stop? They were trying to help you and you...you...you killed them. Your friends...they’re...dead, dead because of you,” Sirius’s voice collapsed and he was now crying and shaking.

Remus didn’t realize what happened.

So he took Sirius in his arms to comfort him. Sirius was tense and reluctant, but then he hissed bitterly, “Go ahead then. Do it.”

Remus still didn’t realize what Sirius wanted him to do.

Except he suddenly did.

Apparently. Because claws appeared where his fingernails should be and now Remus wasn’t hugging Sirius anymore but lancing. Blood flowed out of of Sirius’s chest and some out of his mouth. “We were your friends, you monster,” was the last thing Sirius said with a weak voice before his eyes turned cold and lifeless.

“Sirius, no, I didn’t...How? Why? Merlin, no, please no, come back, Sirius, Sirius! Come on! Come back to me! Please...Sirius,” he repeated his name but eventually his voice collapsed and his throat burned so much, he couldn’t talk anymore.

Remus did realize what happened now, but he couldn’t comprehend it.

He stumbled backwards, looking at the blood in his hands, the claws were still there, blood dripping from them. _Blood. Sirius’s blood._ Suddenly he fell. When he looked up he stared into dead hazel eyes. _James._ Remus screamed silently because his whole throat protested against being used. _NO! No, this can’t be happening._ He moved backwards scared and crying just like Sirius had before.

Remus realized Sirius had crawled away from him when he bumped into another body. _Peter._ Sliced up and blood everywhere. _NO._ _NO. No, no, no, no, NO! Please no..._

Remus realized the metallic smell was blood and he wanted to throw up when he remembered that he had liked this smell. The smell of his dead friends blood.

“NO!” he cried once more. He realized his voice was coarse from howling. He realized that he was in the Shrieking Shack. With his friends. During a full moon. And there was blood. _So much blood._

_Monster._ The last thing Sirius had said to him before Remus had killed him. He was one. He had just killed the people he loved most. The ones who had accepted him, who had tried to help him. And he had brutally killed them.

Remus found himself sat in a corner, making himself small he stared at the bodies, _no corpses,_ at the floor. His vision had become blurry again when he lifted his gaze to the one opposite him. Eyes once stormy grey and full of life were cold and dead and accusingly staring at him. _I did this._

Remus cried and screamed and cried and just wanted to be the one laying in pool of blood instead of his friends. _What have I done? Why am I such a monster? Why did I do this?_ Why?!

Suddenly there was warmth and he heard someone whisper ‘Remus’, but it didn’t came from somewhere in the Shrieking Shack. And it sounded warm and worried and was full of caring, but also sounded as if it was far away and dulled, like Remus was underwater. Remus lifted his gaze from the dead bodies and looked around the room. The voice repeated his name softly. It sounded familiar.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered, almost too quiet to be heard.

“I’m here, Moony. Everything’s okay. Wake up. _Please._ It’s just a nightmare.”And suddenly he wasn’t in the Shack anymore but there was darkness surrounding him. Then he blinked and started to see Sirius was hugging him, because the almost full moon shone through the windows of their dorm. _The dorm._ He was shaking and his eyes burnt from all the crying, but Remus wasn’t in the Shack anymore. There was no blood, no corpses, no cold, only warmth. Only safety. Only Sirius and him.

“It was just a nightmare, okay?” Sirius drew soothing circles on his back.

“You-You are not dead?” Remus asked quietly, not trusting his voice. Sirius eyes widened for a moment, but he hastily shook his head. “No. See.” He took Remus’s hand to his heart and waited for Remus to realize that his heart was pounding, probably a bit faster than usual because he was so close to Remus. Remus’s tension fell a bit and he crawled into a tight hug with Sirius. He began to understand that he was in his dorms, safe, that he just had a nightmare, but his friends weren’t dead. He hadn’t hurt them. _Yet._

“Don’t die, okay?” Remus snuffled into Sirius’s shirt listening to his heartbeat.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Remus lifted his head to look Sirius into the eyes. Though it was dark he could see the affection in them because the almost full moon enlightened them in the dark, which was also the only thing that Remus could ever find himself to like about the damn moon. His function as a giant flash light, which enabled him to see the beautiful sharp features of Sirius’s face right now.“Can...you stay?,” he askedwith a collapsing voice.

“Anything for you, Moony.” Sirius reassured Remus.

Remus pulled Sirius even closer if that was even possible and listened to Sirius heartbeat again.

_He’s here and he’s alive. Everything else doesn’t matter._

Remus could feel how Sirius’s warmth helped him relax and ease his strain. His breath slowed and his sobs vanished. He knew he should be embarrassed that he had a nightmare and was now clinging to Sirius as if he was the only thing that kept him alive, but he didn’t. Instead he felt home.

\--------------------------------

“Oi, Pete, you have to see this.” A distant voice whispered.

Somebody sighed. “Prongs,” The somebody sounded annoyed, but he could hear a rustle, so the person must’ve moved, “What the fuck can be so important at, eh, what time is it? The sun’s not even fully up yet.”

“Just look,” the other voice urged. Another sigh. “I swear I hate your bloody quidditch routi-”, then somebody took a sharp breath. Silence.

“Should we do something?” The second person asked.

“I don’t know. They look kinda peaceful.”

“Why do you think they’re in one bed?”

“Dunno, maybe a nightmare?”

“Hmm, should we wake them?”

At this Sirius started to understand where the voices came from and who their owners were. He also remembered that he lay in Remus’s bed closely entangled. Remus. Remus had had a nightmare. Sirius had woken up from it, well, not really, he hadn’t been able to sleep because he had been thinking about Remus. That he wouldn’t have to hurt himself anymore. At least physically. Psychically Remus seemed to have beaten himself up again. _Bloody idiot._ It had seemed as if he had dreamed that he had killed Sirius. Sirius had tried to comfort Remus and now James and Peter were admiring the result of it.

_Fuck you, James._

His heart started beating faster. He also remembered how broken Remus small ‘Stay’ had sounded, but how powerful it still had been, when he had asked Sirius to stay. Srius now realized how close he was to Remus. There legs were entangled and their bodies were hugging each other closely. Remus’s head was still on Sirius’s chest.

_Fuck. What am I supposed to do now? James, that bloody dick, and Peter are probably still watching us. Should I keep pretending to sleep or maybe jump up and scare them, but that would disturb Remus and he needs as much sleep as possible._

Apparently James thought something similar. “No, don’t wake them up. Remus should try to get as much sleep as possible.”

“You’re right, but I still won’t go working out with you. I think breakfast might open soon. I’m gonna take a shower.”

Sirius heard one person walk to the bathroom which meant somebody was still staring at them. _Probably Prongs the bloody stalker._

Eventually he heard a sigh and some footsteps, then a small plump and then the turning over of pages.

_Yep, James, must be reading one of his Quidditch magazines again. Can’t that dick just go and work out?_

Suddenly Remus moved, but not away from Sirius but closer to him. Sirius couldn’t help but smile and move closer to Remus as well. That’s what he did when he heard a James chuckling “Lovesick idiots.” Sirius realized that James must’ve drawn all curtains open to observe the two boys. _Bloody wanker._

Still Sirius didn’t move and instead listened to Remus quiet breaths and tried internalize the feeling of holding Remus in his arms.

But a sudden squeak destroyed his idyll. Peter had gotten out of the bathroom. Remus flinched, sat up and sleepy opened his eyes. Sirius was thrown of guard from Remus sudden movement and therefore grabbed lightly after him before he also sat up. Remus looked confused and disorientated contrary to Sirius who had been awake for some minutes.

“Oi sorry, didn’t want to wake you, guys,” Peter apologized.

Remus blinked and then realized that Sirius was sitting next to him and stared at him. Remus’s eyes were still a bit puffy from the nightmare.

“Morning, Moony.” Sirius tried it with his usual charm, but it sounded halfhearted. _Morning, Moony? Really? Couldn’t I have thought of something better?_ Sirius knew he was blushing because James looked like he had a hard time holding back his laughter.

“Hi, Pads,” Remus answered sheepishly.

The two other boys must’ve understood the situation because James announced that he’ll go do his morning quidditch workout and Peter mumbled something about the kitchens before leaving.

Remus bit his lip and avoided Sirius’s glance.

“You want to talk about it?” Sirius asked after he had been able tear his gaze from Remus’s lips. The other boy’s head in turn shot up and Sirius could see something like fear in his eyes. “What?”

“The nightmare you had,” Sirius reminded Remus. “It seemed pretty bad, couldn’t get you out of it for five minutes.

“Oh.” Remus blushed. “I...ahem,” he cleared his throat and looked at his hands as if he could see there something else.

“It’s okay, Moons. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I’m here if you need to.”

“No! I-I want to tell you...it’s just...hard.”

“Take your time, sweetheart.”

Remus blushed again and shortly tensed, but then he looked at Sirius and started to talk calmly: “I was in the Shack and blood, there was blood, but I didn’t realized it first, but then...” He cleared his throat. “Well, ehm, I saw you and James and Peter and you were...you weren’t...you...I killed you, all of you,” Remus said reluctant and then continued faster, “It’s probably because you guys are gonna be there in two days and I don’t know...what if I, no,” He shook himself. “No, you did the research and I controlled it and it must work for sure...nothings gonna happen it will be okay...it has to be...”

“Hey, it’ll be alright. You said it yourself. I did a fantastic job at the research and you controlled it. It will work. I promise.”

Remus stared at Sirius and opened his mouth to say something, when James re-entered. “I, uh, I forgot to change,” he helplessly opened his hands and pointed at his pyjamas, “Well, eh, and Lily found me and urghhhhh...” He jumped into his bead and buried his head in his pillow. “Fuck! Lily saw me in pyjamas and talked to me and, oh, bugger, I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet.”

Sirius really wanted to smack James’s head with a particularly heavy book about Transfiguration for interrupting the moment, when Remus suddenly started to giggle next to him and his anger vanished; because what was better than Remus laughing?

Maybe the only thing was if _he_ could make him laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...I'm sorry for the delay. I just wasn't sure if I really want to post the chapter that way because of the nightmare stuff in the beginning. I also changed that part many times because it just didn't feel right. Fuck I know that's a shitty explanation, sorry again.  
> However I thought having a nightmare or similar would only be logical for someone in Remus's position, but I wasn't sure how I wanted to show that, which is why I rewrote it often. Also of course there was school, corona and black lives matter.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter and that you are all safe and well!


	9. Stairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the nightmare. The theories of some lead to great ideas from others, or something like that.

Stairs

“So...eh, you want to talk about it?”

Sirius gave James a look while continuing to walk to the classroom along with the other students. Lily and Sirius were walking in front of them speculating what new spell they were going to learn in Defence after their teacher had hinted at it being a very difficult one last lesson. Peter was walking behind them with almost-girlfriend Sabine. They giggled every few seconds. James took a fast look around to check if anybody was listening.

“Okaaaay, so are we gonna talk about this sweet little scene we had this morning?”, James stretched each word.

“No.”

“Cool.”

They continued to walk silently, but only for about ten seconds before James spoke again. “You know, I was just wondering...about what happened.” He gave Sirius a curious and at the same time hesitant look. “Did I interrupt something? Maybe something roma-”

“Merlin! James, could you possibly talk a bit louder?” Sirius snapped and looked around.

“Sorry, sorry. I just, you know, if I did, I’m sorry.”

“What? Oh. No, it’s alright. We weren’t…, sorry I snapped. It’s just...weird...to talk about it...especially in public.” Sirius nervously fumbled on the sleeves of his robe.

“Oh, do you want me to stop talking about it?”

“I...No. It’s just still new that we talk about it. You and me. Or just talking about it aloud. And that you’re okay about it. I mean don’t you worry about how it could influence us. The Marauders. What if...if it makes us fall apart. Like the Beatels? And I dunno...” Sirius looked at the floor.

“Well, I mean I have thought about that too but I think we’ll always find our way back to each other. No matter what happens. So whatever happens we’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered as the class stepped onto the moving stairs and waited for them to turn to the right place. After some time where the whole class stood awkwardly squeezed together on the stairs James broke the silence again.

“Soo, you two were sitting pretty close...” James wiggled his eyebrows.

“I’m gonna throw you down the stairs.”

He was however interrupted by Remus and Lily’s turn of subject of debate.

“Ugh, I still don’t get how the stairs move. How do they decide where to move? And at what time? It makes no bloody sense,”Remus frowned.

“Well, I have the theory that the stairs try to move where you want them to go,” Lily suggested.

“I want to go to the bloody Defence classroom, but the stairs have been standing still for about three minutes.”

“Maybe you don’t really want to go there, but stay exactly here,” James proposed tentatively while looking Sirius in the eyes. This reminded Sirius of his former plan to throw him down the stairs. Lily observed James pensively with a small smile appearing on her face.

“I mean I would like to go back to my bed…,” Remus quickly looked away from Sirius, “and that could be the reason why those damn stairs haven’t moved one bit. But if Lily’s theory is correct-”

“-which it probably is-” Lily interjected. Remus nodded shortly. “Then I think there a just too many students here who all want to go somewhere different.”

“So the stairs could be overstrained by all the different desires,” Lily concluded.

“You really think stairs have such a deep consciousness?” Sirius doubted.

“Well, we saw other things in Hogwarts functioning in a similar way,” Remus shrugged, but then suddenly froze and shared a look with Lily.

“What do you…,” Sirius began when suddenly the stairs moved.

“Finally,” Remus sighed and seemed way too happy for being finally able to go to class.

While Lily and Remus started theorizing about what finally made the stairs move, Sirius wondered what other things Remus had referred to.

“Maybe there is a timer to make sure nobody stays stuck,” Lily suggested when James suddenly stopped walking and turned to Sirius with a smug smile and then proceeded to look at the others.

Sirius, Remus, Lily and also Peter, who had almost walked into James when he’d stopped, stared at James. When he saw James’s facial expression he gave Sabine a sign to go ahead. Lily stared at James with a mixture of concern and annoyance, Peter slightly insecure but also excited, Remus just sighed and rolled his eyes while Sirius was just waiting to hear the next words.

“Marauders, I know what our next prank is gonna look like.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna like this, so I’m out,” Lily took a few steps backwards.

“You’re welcome to join in, Lily,” James winked at her.

“Ugh, I don’t even want to know,” she said and stormed off to class.

“Sorry, Prongs. She’ll come around eventually,” Sirius tried to comfort James.

“Are you kidding? She’s not going to tell on us. That’s a monumental step in our relationship.”

“She still might,” Remus shrugged. But James beamed nevertheless.

“So what’s the new prank?” Peter intervened before James could start to drool.

“Eh, oh yes,” James cleared his throat and made a dramatic pause in which he eyed up ever Marauder. Then he took a deep breath and proudly proclaimed: “Stairs”

For a few seconds nothing happened, then Peter broke the silence.

“Stairs?”

“Stairs.” James replied with his eyes sparkling of joy. Peter hasn’t been following the stairs discussion between Lily and Remus, which is why he looked increasingly confused.

However, Sirius had.“You’re brilliant!”

“I’m so going to regret this,” Remus mumbled as he accepted his fate and explained to Peter what their new prank was going to be like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to finally post something again and I know this chapter is rather short.  
> I just haven't been really motivated plus my life is pretty stressful right now, but I thought one short chapter is better than none.   
> Ministeps, you know. A small chapter still keeps the story going, so here we are.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter nevertheless.  
> Have a great day!


	10. Dizziness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is about to spend the full moon for the first time with his friends and he is NOT okay.

Remus was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was tired and dizzy and everything was blurry. He knew he should do the homework their defense against the dark arts professor gave them just about... _What time is it?_

He sighed and then tried to focus on his bloody notes and his bloody textbook again.

He remembered being excited about what spell the professor was about to teach them. The professor had hinted that it would ‘blast them away’. And it did turn out to be a blasting spell which could’ve been exciting if it wasn’t for the irony that his senses were already heightened because of the full moon tomorrow and due to that he heard every fucking sound on full blast. _Wait, no, that’s not ironic...Does that even make sense?_ _The professor must’ve thought he made_ _a_ _good joke…_ _Ironic...Maybe, but only because of the different ways ‘blast’ can be used...That sure is useful. A good thing words are. But too many_ _damn_ _meanings. Meanings...hold_ _on_ _...nope. I’m not gonna go in philosopher mode right now. I got work to do... Home_ _work_ _. Concentrate for Merlin’s sake!_

Remus inspected the first sentences he had written onto his parchment. “ _Deprimo is a powerful_ _charm_ _made to blast holes into the ground._ _To create a blast one must..._ ”

_Blast...Wasn’t there anything that had to do with a blast?_ Suddenly something next to him exploded. _That for sure didn't make me have a blast. Woah...how many meanings one word can have..._ Remus winced at the pain from the loud sound next to him. Somebody screamed his name: “Remus, are you okay?” It was bizarre and odd. Everything was distorted. He often felt like this...during the time of a full moon.

He closed his eyes again. There was no explosion. Just the full moon. It was just in his head. He felt somebody touching his arm and tensed up. Then he relaxed. The hand on his arm felt heavy, heavier than it should, but it was a gentle touch. Nobody tried to attack him. Nobody was screaming at him. Nobody was hurting him. Instead the touch brought him back to reality. He took a deep breath and looked up. Everything was spinning. But then the hand on his arm strengthened its grip and Remus focused on that. The screaming died down a bit and everything was less blurry. He recognized Sirius first. And then Peter and James. They had books opened in front of them which was weird. But they weren’t reading them which wasn’t weird. Instead they carefully watched somebody. _Oh. Oh, they’re watching me. Why do they look so worried?_

His gaze wandered to what was opened in front of him. “ _Deprimo is...a blast..._ ” This reminded him of something. Of his Dada Class. Of homework. Of explosions, no of a headache. _Oh._ He remembered what he had just thought some seconds or minutes ago. _Bloody moon._ He shook his head. He hated the full moon. And the time before. And the time afterwards. He never could remember a lot about what happened in the night of the full moon. But the amnesia often started to kick in a few hours before he transformed. He hated it. Hated feeling so vulnerable. He hated the amnesia. And feeling like some senile broken thing. Hated how the amnesia influenced his life but could not take away the memory of all the painful transformations. It was cruel.

“Remus, I think you should go to the hospital wing. You look sick,” That was Peter’s worried voice.

“What?” His voice felt heavy and it sounded far away. “I..yeah, maybe...” Remus stood up and immediately everything started spinning again. He blinked and steadied himself on the table. His friends watched him as if he was going to faint any second, which to be fair he probably was about to do any moment.

“Moo-” Sirius started, but Remus interrupted him.

“So, what are you guys doing here in…,” He looked around, taking his surroundings in. “...in the library?”

The other three boys exchanged looks. “We wanted to do some research on our next prank. The thing with the stairs, remember? And you wanted to get some homework done before...you know” Peter shrugged. Remus lowered his gaze to the two sad sentences he had managed to write.

“Hmm, okay,” Remus replied while trying to focus on a spot of ink on his parchment because he felt like falling again. _Where did that spot of ink come from?_ _The moon. His friends will be there. I will be there. And the prank. What if I hurt them? Not at the prank but in the shed._

“Moony, you should get impaled. I’ll pet you and Pomfrey.” Remus recognized Sirius’s voice, but it came from far away. And above that his words did not seem to make any sense. _Well, grammatically they d_ _o_ _, but something_ _still doesn’t add up._

Remus turned where the voice seemed to come from. This caused things to get even more blurry. “What?”

“Ehm, I said you look a bit pale and that I’ll get you to Madam Pomfrey.”

“That does make more sense, yeah...”

Suddenly everything got loud again. _Stop. Fuck. No._ He heard somebody turning the page. Heard Pince shushing someone. And he could hear steady beats in the background. By oneself each beat had a steady rhythm but put together it was a mess. It was too much. Too fucking loud.

“STOP!” He cried with his eyes shut and moved his hands from the table to his ears to try to cushion the noise.

A mistake, really. Now his support table was gone. He missed his support table.

As he fell to the ground and into unconsciousness he felt warm and strong arms gently put around him.

_ Fuck. _

James walked around nervously. Back and forth. Again and again. Sirius flashed a short glance to James before watching the door again. Behind that door was Remus. Pomfrey wanted to work without four other teenagers bustling around her.

Quite understandable Sirius thought as he glanced at James who was still walking around aimlessly, Peter next to him who was biting his nails and Lily who was next to Peter twisting her hair nervously.

“Okay, stop that!”

The other two boys looked at him innocently. “What?” Peter asked.

“Stop biting your fucking nails! I seriously doubt they are as delicious as you make it look. And Lily, whatever new hairstyle you’re trying to make. Don’t. Your hair really can’t be improved, it’s good the way it is just ask little Jamie here. And, and you James, you know I really support you trying to stay fit for Quidditch but-” Sirius took a deep breath. “But I don’t think walking from one wall to another is-is effective.” He started playing with the sleeve of his jumper. “I, I mean it might be if you do it long enough but that would become boring after a while, wouldn’t it?” He pulled the sleeves of his jumper over his hands. “So, so could you please stop?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Of course.”

James sat down next to Sirius and Peter pulled something out of his back. “You want some snacks?” He asked with a soft smile. Sirius relaxed a little.

“Eww, no! Wash your hands first, self-cannibal!” He answered with a delay and warm smile. James smacked him and Lily smiled softly at the exchange.

Just as Peter came back from washing his hands Madame Pomfrey opened the door with caution. Immediately Sirius, James and Lily stood up and Peter rushed the last steps to them. They all braced himself for everything possible she was about to say.

She gave them a sad smile. “He’s lucky to have you all as his friends.” She eyed them all up. “He is…,” she started, “he is not in a good state. Somehow he is effected worse by the moon today.” She rearranged her glasses. “Nothing’s really working to ease the pain, so I put him to sleep to collect strength for tonight. But, but considering his condition now I fear he might be in an even worse one tomorrow.”

“N-no, but there must be something we can do...something to-to help… Why is it worse this time?” Lily stammered.

“I don’t really know, dear. It’s a normal full moon as far as I’m aware. But sometimes the psyche influences the body and...and maybe he was worried or, I don’t know, something and now it’s reflecting his body,” she gestured agitated. “Sadly I don’t know how to help him if this is the case. Maybe you can.” She sighed. “You all should go get some rest. He’ll need you when the moon is over. I’ll go and do the best I can to prepare him.” With that she stepped back into the hospital wing and closed the door.

The four students stood in silence in front of the door. Neither of them planning to follow Madame Pomfrey’s advice.

“It’s our fault,” Sirius croaked. James and Peter didn’t respond, Lily did.

“What? No. Or, or did you guys do something? I swear to everything that’s holy to me if this has something to do with some ridiculous prank, I swear I’ll-”

“-No. It’s not like that, Lily. But we’re still...” James trailed off.

“But we wanted to help him,” Peter interjected.

“Yeah? Well, we didn’t. And now he’s in pain because of us! I should’ve never even suggested the idea.”

“Sirius, don’t do this. Don’t blame yourself.”

“But-”

“Would somebody fucking mind to tell me what the friggin fuck is going on?” Lily interrupted Sirius’s self blame.

“...”

The three boys looked at each other and then James shrugged his shoulders, “We became Animagi, so we can spend the full moon with Remus, so we can keep him from hurting himself,” James rattled down.

Lily’s eyes went wide and then she blinked.

“Please don’t tell anyone?” James pleaded. When Lily didn’t react he bit his lip. “Lily?”

“I...did not expect that,” she answered tentative. “How did you manage to do this? What animals are you all? Don’t you have to keep a leave in your mouth for a full month in order to become an animagi? How did you..? Why will it help Remus? How? And if you are helping him, why would you be the reason why he is in such a bad shape now?”

They all sat down again and explained it all. The research. The planning. The stupid mandrake leave. The stag, the rat and the dog. The werewolf not minding other animals, in theory at least. Remus probably being afraid to hurt them. And they talked until it started to get dark. Then they left to get James’s cloak in order to sneak to the Shreeking Shed, but not before Lily reassured them she wouldn’t give them away.

They were already in the Shed when Remus arrived with Madame Pomfrey. They stood in a corner under the cloak trying not to make any sound.

“Okay Remus, dear, here are some more painkillers.” She spoke silently, almost not audible, but still Remus flinched a bit. She put three little bottles in a metallic box that seemed indestructible and gave Remus another one. He snatched the bottle and drowned it. He shortly seemed relieved, but then he tensed up again and tried to open the box. Pomfrey sighed.

“I’m sorry, dear, but I really can’t give you anymore. You already have taken an unusual high amount of medicine. I’m afraid about the consequences if I give you more.”

Remus snorted bitterly and opened his mouth for some retort, but Pomfrey shushed him. “No, no, you rest your voice, understood?” She held up her index finger. He nodded slightly.

She sighed again. “Okay I’ll be here tomorrow like I always am. Take care of yourself, would you?” She examined him with a stern look. He nodded again and even offered her a small and weak smile, but it didn’t looked convincing at all. Pomfrey gave him one last look and then went back to the castle.

Remus had his eyes closed and everything in the Shed was still.

James poked Sirius’ arm. “Hey,” he hissed. As he realized he had made a sound he flashed his gaze to Remus.

Remus stared back. Right at him. Through the cloak.

Remus swallowed. “I can hear you, hearts, and smell.” It sounded as if it would take all his power to pronounce these few words. Remus struggled to stand up.

James, Sirius and Peter appeared from under the cloak. Then they all sort of stared at each other.

“You shouldn’t be here. Still time. Go. Please.”

“No.” They all answered in unison.

Sirius took a few steps closer to Remus, James and Peter followed after. “We are not leaving you.”

Remus gave them pleading look, “Guys, please-,” he cut himself off and stumbled a few steps backwards and averted his gaze, wincing in pain.

“Remus?”

He fell on the floor and hugged himself. Sirius took another step forward but Remus put one hand up and croaked, “STOP!”

Then he jerked his head up, with a desperate expression and glowing amber eyes.

“Transform,” he whispered through gritted tooth before his whole body started shaking in pain. “Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I know it's a bit weird the way I'm always changing between narrator with or without insight. But sometimes I just can't decide from which perspective I want to tell the story and, well, then this is the messy result. I'm sorry if that's confusing.
> 
> Anyways, have a nice day/night/whatever!

**Author's Note:**

> So, the first chapters will have a darker tone, but the next ones will be brighter, I promise.  
> Also English is not my first language, so I hope you guys even understood what I wrote. If not I´m sorry, I try to improve myself and am open for constructive criticism.
> 
> Have a nice day!


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